The Shrinkage Diaries: and some days you'd like to kill the cat

Dear Figure,

       Today I'd like to bite nails. Like...metal ones.
       Today I'd like to throw something.
       Today I'd like to go to a Krispy Kreme and eat every raspberry doughnut on the place.
       And yes. Today I'd almost like to kill my cat.

The reason? Eh. I don't know that I have one. To quote a friend, "It must be a Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays." And as for the cat, I came downstairs this morning and was greeted by Dad very sweetly saying: "Good-morning, but your cat apparently couldn't use her litter box last night and went in the laundry basket."

Oy vay.

Yeah. Not an auspicious start to my day. I think this strange humor began last night with a chocolate craving.  I almost caved and made brownies, but I am so glad Leah wouldn't let me. Instead I went to Pinterest, and from there to one of my new favorite recipe sites: The Gracious Pantry, and oh. my. stinkin'. goodness.

Figure: I totally owned you last night. How?

By whipping up a batch of her Clean Eating Double-Chocolate Oreos. I'm not even kidding. These things...they're...they're....they are "simply too too too diveen!" For real. As my FB feed would show...

"I will NOT eat all the clean-eating oreo dough before baking. I will NOT!"

And really. It was hard not to. Sarah was a skeptic and didn't want to admit that the smell rising out of the oven was akin to ambrosial breezes from the ever-after. But seriously, girls. Who cares about eating clean. At the moment these cookies were ready to come out of the oven, I would challenge the staunchest junk-fooder to say they tasted "too healthy." These are not only the best clean-eating cookie I've ever had...they are the best chocolate cookie I've ever had. Even counting everything bad-for-you I have tasted my whole life through. For reals, people. For reals. And to raise perfection an increment higher, yesterday was the 101st birthday of the Oreo cookie! :) Perhaps it was the Dutch-processed cocoa Mrs. Vandebrooke gave us that lent these cookies such elegance. So rich and divine you could only eat one stack. You only dared eat one, for fear of what might happen to you if you experienced such grandeur over again. ;)

Whatever it was, I am never going to taste anything quite that craving-quenching in my life. Now. The recipe.

Clean Eating Double-Chocolate Oreos

Cookie ingredients: 

8 oz. almonds ground into "flour"
1 c. unsweetened cocoa
1/3 c. honey or maple syrup (I used honey)
1/3 c. coconut oil
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla

Filling ingredients:
1/4 c. coconut oil
1/3 c. unsweetened cocoa
3 Tbs. honey or maple syrup (I used honey)
1 tsp. vanilla

Step One: Blend almond flour and cocoa powder together in bowl. Add other ingredients and mix well with a wooden spoon.

Step Two: Form walnut-size balls and flatten with the palm of your hand till cookies are desired thickness. They will not rise or flatten in the oven, so what you see is what you get. Form accordingly. Place on parchment-lined baking sheets. Bake at 350 degrees F for 15-20 minutes.

Step Three: Blend all filling ingredients together in blender or food processer, and keep in fridge till thickened. You might want to add a little more cocoa if your filling is too runny, but it will firm up and thicken as it sits a moment so wait to add anything till you're certain.

Step Four: Once cookies are cool, assemble with filling between two cookies.

Makes 10-12 sandwiches

So Figure? Never again am I going to lament that I can't entirely satisfy my chocolate craving while catering to your touchy whims. Because, honestly? Even if I threw my hunt for you to the wind, I'd never find a better-tasting recipe than this.