Alone...or Not?

As Valentine's Day approaches it can be tempting for me to start despairing (even tongue-in-cheek) about my lot as a single young lady. It is tempting to start betiding woe to my sisters: "This is so depressing--there's not a single guy I could marry even if he'd want me!" After all, nearly the only eligible guys I know are my brother and cousin... :P
I don't know about you girls, but my bouts of wistfulness in the marriage area jump me. They never creep up. I will be entirely content and all gung-ho for living the rest of my life in a nunnery if that would be what it takes, and then the next moment I will be seized with an overwhelming ache for a Someone of my own. I've told you I'm a romantic sort....

I'm sort of/kind of/really guilty of standing outside on more than one occasion and singing "Goodnight my Someone" when no one is listening. Ahem.

So what on earth do I do with these random/sporadic/vivid bouts of love and longing? Well, I'm not sure what your particular situation is, but I've told you mine. I have been spared many of what I'm sure would have been opportunities to get my heart entangled by the sheer lack of men in my circles. However, this brings up a different struggle--I am deeply in love with a Nobody. Seriously. I pray for my husband a lot and I can truly say this has caused me to love him...which is dumb because I do not have the slightest idea who he could be.

So back to the question. What on earth can a girl do with these moments?

I've been in this stage for the past couple of days...I think it was triggered by my watching Little Dorrit. For those of you who have not seen it, the hero is Arthur Clennam, and he's a man after my own heart. Contrary to what you find in most heroes (even our beloved Mr. Darcy) Mr. Clennam is not handsome. He's not particularly charming or witty, even. But he's good. He is so good. Learn his story and your heart will be forever melted....I think what gets me is that his character is such that he is very real. I actually feel that there is hope that I will meet a man like him one day.
I had forgotten how much I love him and then it all came flooding back. Note to Self: Never watch Little Dorrit when your heart is anything but perfectly staid and sober. But back to the point of this post. I was washing dishes and I suddenly knew what I needed to do. I needed to take a walk and talk to the Lover of my Soul. I finished up my chores, zipped up my coat and headed outside, and once I was quite sure that no one was listening, I started to pray aloud.
I told Jesus everything--from my wistfulness to my wish that Mr. Clennam was real to my wonderings about where my Someone will come from. And He listened. I know He did. And as I talked with Him in as conversational a way as I talk to my friends, the wistfulness slipped away, the longing quieted, the pain dulled, and I knew that He loved me. What do I look for in a husband? Someone to whom I am important. Someone who looks for me first thing when he walks in the door. Someone to whom one of my smiles would brighten his whole day. Someone, in short, who is mad about me.
And as I told all this to Jesus, He smiled at me. "Don't you see that One is Me?" He asked. "I'm crazy about you. If you had been the only on the face of the entire earth I would have died for you. Just for you, Rachel. I didn't come to die for all mankind. I came to die for one Rachel Heffington."
And suddenly, in that one moment, everything was set right. I don't have a man of my own. I will spend Valentine's day receiving sticky, over-loaded, precious cards from my siblings. There are no Secret Admirers for me, and I won't be getting any boxes of chocolates with a sweet card...but none of those things really matter because I have learned again just how much my Lover cares for me.