"Jane, Jane....stop struggling so like a wild, frantic bird."
-Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
My heart is restless.
Why, I can very little tell You, but it feels precisely like the wild, frantic bird Mr. Rochester reprimands in Jane.
Perhaps the earth is stirs in the tossing winds and my heart wishes to join its awakening.
Perhaps I am discontent and wish for excitement.
Perhaps there is a grand adventure coming around the next bend in the road, and like a horse smelling battle, I sense its approach.
Perhaps it is a natural, beautiful feeling You are coaxing along, preparing me to take flight somehow, somewhere.
Perhaps it is all of these things.
My heart is restless indeed, and a queer sensation it is.
It is not anxiety.
It is not ingratitude.
It is not fretting.
But it is not silken-smooth or unrumpled.
My heart is an ocean. The unsounded depths, the sunlight glinting carefree off the surface at times. But there are powerful currents beneath, reminding me my life is no duck-pond, but a great thing meant for travelling and use and beauty and terrific doings. I am not a cork boat with a twist of a paper-sail. I am a galleon, a schooner, a man o' war.
Lord, what am I to do?
With this restless heart...
With these treasured dreams...
With this wander-lust that sees a distant place and longs for it with a sharp, fierce ache.
My heart: that ocean, that wild bird...
It is ready.
It is waiting.
Unfurl my sails, spread out my wings, and send me flying. I'm only waiting for Your time.
I am accustomed to this feeling like an old friend. Often describing it is a strange thing to do, almost impossible. I do hope it doesn't drive you crazy, and you find some minute peace whilst you get the wrinkles out and discover what it is causing it. I love the stance of positivity you have taken in the lines above, I sure with such an attitude you aren't far off from some grand unfolding of those dreams.
ReplyDeleteblessings Rachel Hope
This is beautiful-- it is as if you have named the words in my own heart. I'm often reminded of Jo's words in Little Women, "'I want something new. I feel restless and anxious to be seeing, doing, and learning more than I am. I brood too much over my own small affairs, and need stirring up, so as I can be spared this winter, I'd like to hop a little way and try my wings.'" Don't loose that wanderlust, but let it be a hope and zeal that lives in God's plan for something greater. And while I'm commenting (though this be the wrong blog) I want to thank you for that piece "They're Not Here-Things", it's been an encouragement to me somehow :)
ReplyDelete-Colleen
Oh, thank you so much for sharing that quote, Colleen! It's been far too long since I've sat down and read Little Women. I read it at least nine or ten times as a little girl, but it's been a while since those years. :)
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