You might just be single if...

Today on the All The Single Ladies blog party, Meghan challenged us to do either a post with our favorite Pinterest "single" pins, or an amusing story that highlights the season of life we're in. Since this last year has been a really hilarious one in many ways, I have several anecdotes that you might find amusing to hear.

First of all, the topic of Ring-Checks.

Come on now--you know you do it. You see a person and you check their left-hand to see if they're taken. It's not as weird as it sounds when you realize that it's me saying this. And I'm always analyzing everything about everyone, so it's not as if I am husband-hunting my entire life. I just notice things. Including whether that rather attractive fellow across the food-court is wearing a gold band signifying NO VACANCY. ;)
(And for heaven's sake, if you're still taking me seriously at this point, please unbutton your shirt collar and realize that I'm being crazy and single here with a large dose of sarcasm on the side, so please take it all with several grains of salt. Sea-salt preferably, unless you're Jewish in which case it'd have to be Kosher salt. Which is very good on pretzels. Which I can't eat right now.)
Anyway, my sisters always teased me about my ring-checking propensities (I'm sorry! I can't help it!) until the day I finally realized I'm not the only person that does this. I was at a political function last summer with my brother, and we arrived late. Mind you, it was just the two of us attending, and we squeezed in next to these two men who were probably about 30 years old and the sort of Political Fellows who never have dates and have absolutely no lives but the current race. Well, these two chaps started casting glances in my direction, and whispering among themselves while the delegate at the microphone droned on and on. They'd sweep a glance over me and Daniel and whisper to each other, then look at us again and keep whispering. Feeling a little self-conscious, I tried to ignore them, but happened to look over just as the one with the impossibly blue eyes and the bald-spot fastened his gaze on my left hand, then turned to his friend with a confirming shake of his head. I was not taken.
Imagine my relief, then, when the two were called to leave before the speakers were finished and they had a chance to talk to me. O.o

Second thing that confirms my status as Single is this:

From my earliest girlhood I've made a practice of sending Valentines to all my friends. I mean, none of us grew up in homes with a dating mentality, so we weren't the girls who had a different "significant other" from the age of 12. Therefore, any Valentines fun we were to have we were forced to make for ourselves. Chocolate, cards, everything passed from their hands to mine and vice-versa. This year I sat down to make out my list of who I was sending Valentines too and I stared at the blank sheet.

And stared...

...and stared...

....and stared...

It took me several moments to get two people who were still single that I knew. TWO! When last year I practically hadn't time enough to make the Valentines for all my friends who were with me. Let's give us a nice word picture:

Last year we were Noah's ark about to sink with ze zingle ladiez. This year we might blow away in a kayak. 

No problem with that. It just means that those of you who will get a Valentine from me this year? You're special. You're part of a remnant. We're like...like the people in Red Dawn. Or in The Return of The King. "THERE MAY COME A DAY WHEN OUR COURAGE FAILS! BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY!!!!!"

Number Three would be the fact that I shun Walmart this time of year:

I seriously do. I walk through Walmart and see all the cellophane and chocolate and red roses and I think, "If this is what love looks like, who wants it anyway?" I mean chocolate is awesome. I'm not a fan of red-roses, but the whole end caps and end caps and end caps of cheap stuff and I think....

Really? Really? 

And then I know that I would flip out if anyone bought me chocolate or red roses and then I think, "You're being cynical. Did you know that? You are. You totally are." And then I feel like buying myself chocolate since no one else is going to do it. And I end up buying dark chocolate and salted caramel. (Sea salted caramel--back to the  grains of salt!)

Number Four item that gives a nod to the fact that I'm single is:

My sense of irony. See, all those friends who have found a Someone over the last year and who didn't need my Valentines? They asked me to still make them one. I have a feeling they are feeling a little bit of remorse over leaving their single years behind forever an' always. So my list of Valentines To Be Made is actually a little longer this year than it was last. If that's not ironic, I don't know what is. So I amused myself by writing very very very saucy ditties in their cards (JUST YOU WAIT!) and made myself laugh with devilish glee as I sealed the envelopes. The cards for my Matched friends are awesome. But the cards for my single friends? Wait till they see them. You'll hear howls of laughter from here to Pittsburgh.

Haha. Oh my goodness. I have made myself laugh, and I hope I've made you laugh, and I also hope that you are enjoying this blog party as much as I am! I want you to realize that this week I am totally having fun with my "single state". I don't always think this wryly of this season, and you know I am a deeper person than some of these posts might seem. But sometimes I really think it's great toooooo:

"Let your hair down, hair down,

Get you some of this laid-on back!

Kick your shoes off, kick 'em off,

Get you some of this slow down fast..."

I will leave you now with a few of my personal favorites from Pinterest. Enjoy!