I Know This is Crazy But....

At the wonderful, amazing insert-exuberant-adjective-here Transfer conference, we had lots of prayer time. Specific prayer for specific groups of people. Most times I found myself mainly outside the specified group of prayer-receivers, but then Ian McConnell took it into his head to say that he was led to pray for a group of people in the room who were longing to be in a relationship with someone. Those who were single and finding it a little difficult to content themselves with Jesus and Jesus only (quick note: how on EARTH can we not be content with that? Argh.), or those who were in a relationship they knew wasn't what God had for them, and were needing to make a decision. He asked us to identify ourselves by raising our hands so that the people near us could maybe even put their hands on us as we prayed.

There I was, running through my head all the new relationships forming in my groupies (including one of my stable-single-friends. :D) all the things God has been teaching me over the last year, and all the new inspiration He's been fueling me with. "Even so, I totally fit that former category." I didn't want to raise my hand and admit to all the world (i.e. the roomful of 400 Christians) that I struggled often with waiting on the Lord and satisfying myself with His love for me. I didn't want to admit that I could actually stand before Jesus, my Lover, and say that some days I found it hard to be content with only Him. But I knew I needed the prayer, and even if I was the single solitary person who raised her hand, I would do it or perish in the attempt.

I closed my eyes and raised my hand.

I opened my eyes, and a grin cracked across my face.

30 or 40% of the other people in that room had their hands raised, each of us with head bent, not wanting to be The One in the room who was admitting to trials with contentment. So many! The guy who looked like he could have any girl at the conference if he just smiled at her. The slender, tan, gorgeous girl with the flowing blonde hair. Me. The guy in front of me. A guy behind me.

And I felt in that moment such a surge of confidence in the newest Adventura God is leading me into. I haven't mentioned it here because I didn't want to announce something I wasn't sure of. But all the lessons I've received over the last months and year, all the conversations with multiple people in my season of life, even the topics touched upon at the Transfer Conference--all these things point with a strong finger to this:

I'm writing a Singles' Book.

Yeah, yeah come on, Rachel, you might be thinking. But here's the thing: This isn't going to be just any singles' book. It's not a 100 Easy Ways to Catch A Man. It's not a Push Through This Season, It's Gonna Be Okay.  The vision God has given me for this book is so much larger and different than that. It's not another Before You Meet Prince Charming, or a So Much More, or a Joyfully at Home, or a Preparing to be a Helpmeet. Those books all have their place, and have taught me quite a lot.

My book will be specifically for those of us who have graduated high school and/or college and find ourselves on the outside of the Wedded-Bliss crowd. It's for those of us who are apparently at least temporarily unable to catch the Love Bug and are not interested in sitting on our rockers waiting for love to come by. It's for those of us who want to live to the very hilt every single moment--not only of "this season" but every season in life. It's for those of us who are dead-tired of going places and meeting people and spending ridiculous amounts of time wondering if there will be anyone there who might fit The Bill.

It's going to be hilarious. It's going to recognize the difficulty of being "entirely unmarried" while we watch our childhood playmates standing at the altar and exchanging vows. It's going to be wild and whimsical (after all, I'm writing it with the input and help of my "crazy single friend" Katie), but most of all it's going to be a clarion call to a purposeful life. It's going to be written by a girl who is in the very throes of what it is to be a single girl with a sole purpose that is entirely contrary to everything the world is throwing at her. I don't have all the answers, but God does, and He's teaching them to me little by little, and this is not so much a How To Do It as it is a plea from one single girl to another to not waste our precious time. We were each placed here with a specific purpose to fulfill, and I'm only interested in discussing how we can fulfill our purpose every moment of every day, husband or not, Amen.

I'm telling you this, not to get praise for myself (goodness knows it's not going to be a New York Times Bestseller!), but to ask for prayer. I need so much prayer. Prayer that I would write what God wants me to write. Prayer that my heart would be gentle and suppliant, and that He will just pour the worship of His glory through my pen onto the paper. Prayer for stamina because I'm sure where there's been a dozen lessons already, God will teach me a dozen more. *smile* I've been planning and digging at the topics, and reading and listening and just living life. And that's what this book about except a great bit fat letter from me to You?

I am hoping to dig tooth and claw into the writing of this book in August, shortly after celebrating my 21st birthday on the 20th of July. :) When it is finished, I am planning to self-publish, though God might have other plans. I just feel like this is a book I am meant to write, to write quickly, and to get out into the world ASAP. We'll see. Hahaha. :)

I hope the rest of you see the irony of me writing a book about my Pet Struggle. But I do feel God is calling me to it, and He does delight to work through our very weakness. Please pray for me, and pray for Katie, and please comment with any particular questions/concerns/issues you'd like to see addressed in The Book! :)

Much, much love,
             Rachel

Various, Sundries, and Oh LOOK! I'm going to Florida!

Yes, yes I know. I've spent the whole of this spring traveling from one place to another. I can't say I'm sorry! I love to travel--I love the adventure of it, and the excitement of it, and the squished airplane seats with the stewardesses that smell like disinfectant when they walk by, and the popping in my ears when we rise off the ground, and then the landing when you are pushed out with a tide of passengers into the belly of a complex airport. And I especially love the time spent in new crazy places. All the new sights and sounds and experiences.

Orlando might not be Romania, but it should satisfy my wander-lust for a week or so. ;) Abigail Taylor and her sister Rebekah blessed Sarah and I beyond belief by paying our way to Sovereign Grace's Transfer Conference, and we are headed down this weekend. *eep!* I've never been to Florida, funny enough. I'm more of a European/mountain chick than a beach-bum, so I've never had a burning desire to go. But where a conference calls, I shall answer! Even unto 100% humidity! Mama says when she went to visit Florida where my Uncle Lon was going to college, it was so humid her hair never dried all day after her shower. O.o

"I'm melllllllttttiiiiinnnnnggggg!"

But more than travel, I'm excited about this conference. Excited to spend a weekend with thousands of other young men and women who love Jesus. Can't wait to see what God will teach me/show me while there! :)

 We just got back from a family camping trip with you can hear all about here! It was our first family vacation in 6 years so very well-deserved. ;) We camped at Chippokes State Park on the lovely James River. I love places with history, and being able to dash down the road a couple miles and take the very across to Jamestown and Williamsburg is thrilling!

Let's see. I am currently loving Laura Osnes' voice in Broadway music! It's so clear and sweet and there always seems to be a smile lurking somewhere. If I had a better voice and was on Broadway, I bet it'd sound like hers. :P

I discovered yoga pants a couple weeks ago! :D I had never owned a pair, but being stuck away from home and having forgot my overnight bag, I headed to Walmart to buy some pajamas and lo and behold, a love affair began with that impossibly soft garment! You need to get some if you haven't already. I'm serious!

After watching Nicholas Nickleby for the first time, I can't stop quoting Fanny Squeeers: "Deah Mistah Knuckle-boy..."

We are indoctrinating Levi with Broadway songs. He already requests "Stars" quite often and can hold his own in the "bum-bumming" parts of "Master of the House", "At The End of the Day", "Seize the Day" and "Carrying the Banner". :D

I updated my "About The Lass" page so go check out Take Two!

And last but not least, I'm going to be gone on and off through the middle of July so if this blog is a little spacey during that period of time, don't think I've abandoned blog-dom. I'll simply be jawin' with all the muckity-muck and blowin' my dough and goin' deluxe. ;) Actually, I'll be counseling/working at Generation Joshua's iGovern camps! There are three: one each at Patrick Henry College, in LA, and in Colorado Springs. Travel Travel Travel! :D Yes, I'm a busy, crazy, delighted girl over here, and I ought to sign up for frequent flier miles because for HEAVEN's sake, if I had

Altar-Gleam

Let go.

Let go.

Trust Me.

It's what He's been saying, and what I've been trying to swallow, and great Scot, at least something's come out of it all:

"Altar-Gleam"

Oh, Lord, it rends my soul to give

this wish--desire--full away,

Not clinging to a piece of hope;

A piece that says, 'Perhaps someday...'

For now the thing--so frightening clear--

Is to release it dark and full

and keep no sliver-thought of me,

though giving leaves a gaping hole.

Desire--oh, how sharp the spears

of joy that haunt this favorite dream.

But am I Your's enough to push

this treasure toward Your altar's gleam?

The thund'ring toss of straining mind.

The clashing knowledge: this is right.

The heart's own cry: 'Oh, please, not yet!'

The beckon of Your fire bright.

No looking back, no holding on,

I watch my treasure dance in flame.

And then I feel inside my soul

the power of Your tender Name.

I've given what was dearest mine

but just before the wound bleeds free

You staunch the flow and catch my heart

and with Your Lover's arms hold me.

What looks as ash is only just

the dust from which Your plans arise

And though I feel the burning here

I see the mercy in Your eyes.

The Shrinkage Diaries: Strawberry Fudge Brownies! Serios!

Don't be scared...it's just Amy and I imitating the Bears. :D

Shrinkage is still going well, though somewhat delayed since coming home. I haven't been exercising much, which I am going to make a goal of this week. It's funny how getting out of practice of a thing makes you rather reluctant to do it! I love experimenting with healthy recipes of every sort, but some of my favorite things to work on are Clean-Eating desserts.

I mean, really. Who can resist a dessert? Not me. And I knew that giving up refined sugars and wheat-flours didn't have to mean the end of everything amazing.  I like to know my food blogs, and for a long while Smitten Kitchen was the place I went (and still go) when I wanted a weird recipe like homemade Wheat Thins or Goldfish or Graham Crackers. Brown Eyed Baker was a close second with any and every recipe . And when I was feeling really French and adventures, I went with David Lebovitz for something like his divine Lemon Curd. But obviously a paradigm shift in diet means I can no longer frequent sites like Smitten Kitchen or Brown Eyed Baker. They have become the rarest of treats.

But I'm still not panicking. Because, well, this is where Clean-Foodie blogs like Chocolate Covered Katie  come in. Do you realize, people, that CCK is a blog devoted almost entirely to clean dessert recipes? AH! I have tried several and have loved each one. Other great Clean-Foodie blogs are An Edible Mosaic and Gracious Pantry, which I have likewise scoured for recipes to satisfy my family's collective sweet-tooth. There are so many I have yet to try that look amazing, like CCK's No-Bake Coconut Crack bars. I mean, really people. How can anything that tastes as good as these recipes be healthy for you?

I'm developing an understanding that healthy actually tastes a whole lot better.

That being said, the other day I had an urge to making something delicious for when Abigail Taylor arrived. I hopped on to CCK and chose Chocolate Chip Everything Bars. Now we all laugh, knowing that I am an untraditionalist when it comes to following a recipe, and I'm always altering even the most simple things to fit my preferences. The first problem came when I didn't have chocolate chips. Or enough coconut. Or nuts. Or freeze-dried berries. or xylitol, and I really didn't want to use sugar. Oh yeah. I didn't have stevia either.
Before you dismiss me as being crazy for settling on a recipe I didn't even have the ingredients for, you have to do two things:

1.) Look at this picture:

2.) Remember I'm very good at this sort of thing.

You can't resist the one and you can't deny the other, so hush for a second while we move onward. I started substituting this for that and her for him and them for y'all and you know, eventually these weren't Chocolate Chip Everything Bars. They were Strawberry-Fudge Brownies. Now you may laugh, and then enjoy the recipe, which I'm posting below.

Srawberry Fudge Brownies:

• 1/2 c. oats (rolled or quick)
• 1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
• 1/4 tsp. baking soda
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 3/4 c. dark cocoa powder (I used Hershey's Special Dark)
• 1/4 c. shredded coconut (you may use up to 1/2 cup)
• 2 (15 oz.) cans white beans, drained and rinsed
• 1/3 c. dates soaked
• 6 Tbs. coconut oil
• 4 Tbs. applesauce
• 4 tsp. vanilla extract
• 1 c. fresh strawberries, diced
• A sprinkling of chocolate chips would be nice if you had 'em.

1. Preheat oven to 350 F. and grease a 9 x 13 pan.
2. Combine all ingredients except strawberries and chocolate chips in a blender or food processor, and blend till completely smooth, scraping down the sides when necessary.
3. Stir in strawberries and chips by hand, then smooth into pan.
4. Bake for 30 minutes and cool completely.

Makes about fifteen brownies...if they make it out of the pan

These are absolutely to die for. The batter was a little disappointing flavor-wise...you could taste the beans a little bit. It was like chocolate-hummus! :D But something magical happened in the oven, and the caterpillar was transformed into an elegant chocolate butterfly. Abigail was astonished. Dad was more astonished. He's not been eating sugar for at least 9 months, so he walked in and was like, "So, is there anything good to eat around here?"
I gestured to the plate of decadent, fudge-y brownies sitting on the countertop. "Those."
"Yeah, but they have sugar."
"No they don't," I laughed.
"Yes they do."
"Dad, really, they don't."
"What?" and then he took one and tried it and I think I'll be his favorite daughter from now on. ;)

Kidding. But honestly, you really need to try these brownies. You can leave out the strawberries if strawberries and chocolate together aren't your thing, and you'd still be left with a killer brownie: moist, fudge-y, deep, and impossibly, deliciously dark. You'll never taste a better clean-eating brownie (or a better regular brownie!) unless, of  course, it was my Single-Lady One-Serving Brownies. But those will have to feature in another post!

Would you like me to continue the Clean-Eating Recipe posts? I'm having such a great time trying out these things and sharing them with you. Do you have any favorite healthy-food blogs? I'm always on the lookout for more!

Since Coming Home...

I've been cooking. Kind of a lot.

I've given haircuts...

 

And received one!

I have seen Les Miserables live on stage and then prepared Abigail and Daniel to go off on their little date the next day for the same. Isn't she gorgeous?

Aw <3

I've played around with makeup-techniques a little bit, and planted our garden, and procrastinated with my writing. Oh! I've watched a little Larkrise to Candleford (it half annoys me and have pleases me so I continue to watch it until Thomas gets on my nerves one too many times), and I've listened to Cabin Pressure. Which, by the by, you simply must get your ears upon ASAP. It's a BBC radio-comedy starring Benedict Cumberbatch and John Finnemore among others, and it's a corking good show. I love it and never fail to laugh. I am especially indebted to Daniel Tate for this pleasure, btw. 

Ahhhh. Amazing radio-show. :)

Since coming home, I've also phone-banked with Americans for Prosperity, getting folks to register to vote this year, and I've watched Iron Man 3. 

So yes! All in all I've been rather busy since coming home. How about you? What have you been doing these past several weeks? :)

Burdened with Glorious Purpose

“Often a Christian man or woman falls prey to that cruel and vexatious spirit, wondering how to find marriage, who, when, where? It is on God that we should wait, as a waiter waits--not for but on the customer--alert, watchful, attentive, with no agenda of his own, ready to do whatever is wanted. 'My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.' (Ps. 62:5 KJV) In Him alone lie our security, our confidence, our trust. A spirit of restlessness and resistance can never wait, but one who believes he is loved with an everlasting love, and knows that underneath are the everlasting arms, will find strength and peace.” -Elisabeth Elliot

Looking back, the month of April was the best month of my life so far. So many new experiences! The two major ones that stick out are, of course, Romania and seeing Les Miserables live. But I am not only speaking of physical experiences.

You see, the month of April was a gift to me in direct answer to my prayers.

Sometime in March, I was pretty much at the end of my rope, feeling that all the patch-work responsibilities and endeavors of my stay-at-home life were useless. How on earth could God piece them together into something worthwhile? Was I wasting my time? Am I wasting my single years? Am I supposed to be a writer or is there something I am missing? So many questions--fears, really--crowded my mind. Finally, in desperation, I asked God for one thing:

"Lord Jesus, I don't care what it is I am doing." I prayed.  "I am willing to do and be anything. But please give me a sense of Your pleasure, a sense that I am exactly where you want me to be."

April came, and with it, the answer to my plea.

I lived in God's presence this month. I can't really describe it any other way. The two weeks in Romania effected me in so many ways, but one thing they gave me was a hunger for holiness. The constant putting of myself before God, and rejoicing in His nearness, and thinking on His goodness and His word. This was, at first, a response to being in church every day while we were there. Then it became a habit. Then a desire. Then when I came home, I found myself...well...to take Loki way out of context:

"Burdened with glorious purpose."

But truthfully. This month God awakened a fire within my heart, and my prayer since coming home has been that He would keep it cupped in His hands and breathe life into it, that it might blaze within me from now on. Because I don't want to lose this sense of living in His presence and His peace.

My circumstances haven't changed.

There have been trials this month as well as blessings. I have watched the Lord give form to some of my cherished dreams and strengthen my longing for them, and yet put out His hand and say, "Not yet, my darling one." And it would be desperately hard to wait except that His hand is gentle and heavy upon my shoulder, and I know that somehow He is sharing in my waiting. I have felt His pleasure alongside me as we look at a wheat-grown field, almost luminous in the half-light of dusk. I have cried and known that He is sharing my tears and my pain and I am not alone in this thing. He has given me the privilege of meeting beautiful, passionate fighters for His kingdom this month. I am so humbled by getting to know Pastor John and his story. His childlike, iron-clad faith... It seems too much that Jesus would allow me to spend two weeks in the company of magnificent men like him and his son and the others I met on that trip.

Jesus heard my desperate cry in March, and He held my hand and hoisted me to my feet, because He knew that April was coming. He knew that I would stand on the brink of Maytime and smile with a heart full to tears because of His goodness. He heard my cry. "In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul." -Psalm 138:3 

I suppose there is not a very large reason for this post, except as a testimony of praise to my Jesus of His great lovingkindness. My life is still shards of tiles waiting to be formed into a mosaic. My dreams are still only shadows, and I still don't have any idea of what I am doing. But oh, my heart is at peace. Because I have tasted of His presence and I have lived in the light of His smile and I can feel His pleasure and His guidance. I have thrown my lot in with the only One who knows what is going on in this mad, merry world, and I have made myself available. I'm not clinging to any ideas of what I'm doing. I've only asked that He use me. 

No idea where I'm going. No idea what's next or what isn't next. But the joy of this month was not built off a trip to Europe or to the Theatre. The joy of this month was built off of putting my hand in the Lord's and living with Him.

Maytime? I claim you as His. 

Adventura: The Romania Trip Pt. 5

So I have gone the entire series of posts without formally introducing you to Christi, our "Glumesc". (Glumesc means 'joke') Christi fit in so terribly well with our group, it wasn't even funny. (actually, it was very funny.) He's about 30 so we all decided to adopt him as the that-much-older-brother none of us have, and he lives on in that capacity since our departure. We now have a Romanian brother. Or Captain Romania, if you'd rather. ;)

I think we're all on the same page when we say that one of the things we liked best about Christi was his ability to effortlessly slide from wild jokester into passionate preacher in the space of thirty seconds. He's learning to master the art of being just serious enough when it's needed, and just crazy enough when seriousness can go out the window. :D

Also, he speaks five or six languages fluently. (Romanian, English, French, Greek, Hebrew, and pretty much German as well as a smattering of other languages)

It was not long before we had established a catchphrase that is used to this day among our group:

"Adventura"...it's RomEnglish for "Adventure". See, it started way back during the first couple of nights when we were giving our testimonies, and I was speaking on the adventures God has planned for us. Somehow the team started teasing me every time something interesting or difficult came up:

"It's because Rachel is praying or adventures!" or  "Yeah, Rach, it's your fault!" :D

One night on the way home from a village, we loaded into the two cars. Sarah, Matthew, Amy, Christi, and I took his car and started off sedately enough. Then, perhaps because of his double dose of energy-drink, or because his crazy side came out, Glumesc started driving wildly. Before you freak out, I didn't say dangerously. Per se. ;) Swerving side to side on the roads, driving straight where signs informed us the road was turning, driving with one foot out the window, driving with his knees....you know. In Christi's defense, the road was *entirely* empty and it was a dirt road full of pot-holes so he wasn't going but so fast. We were joking, singing, shouting, laughing our heads off. It's one of those ideal moments in life that I'll keep forever in my memory, but you kinda had to be there.

Then we hit an especially large pothole that no one but Amy saw, and soon the "fwap-fwap-fwap" of a flat tire could be heard. Christi pulled over and we girls fell silent. Great. A flat. In the middle of nowhere. We wondered how Christi would take it, and what he'd do. Matthew got out to help Christi and the girls and I just kind of looked at each other. Then Christi trotted around to our open window, stuck his head through and bawled:
"GIRLS! WHY ARE YOU HAVING SAD FACES?" And since he thought the flat tire was the best joke of the night, Amy, Sarah, and I busted out laughing and the craziness went on. The tire was pumped, we piled back in, and immediately Christi started swerving back and forth and blaring his horn to the empty skies. It was amazing. :D All windows down, hair whipping in the stiff, chilly breeze, shouting and laughing as Christi tried accents and faces and all sorts of craziness.

But the tire went flat again.

He pumped it up and we went on....for a bit. It flattened again, and even Christi agreed it would have to be changed entirely. Thankfully we were near some factory that was just switching shifts and we were able to borrow a jack and a hammer.

     "Oooooh m'goodness," Christi said, still laughing, and he and Matthew set to work changing the tire. We girls stood nearby playing with a Great Pyranees that seemed friendly enough, and listening to the boys work.

  Christi's fervent "Haaaaal-lelujah's" were frequently heard toward the end when the tire-job was wrapping up. ;) As Christi and Matthew crouched near the tire and Sarah held her iPod up to the tire so they could have a little light, I asked Christi, "How do you say Adventure in Romanian?"
"Aventura" he grunted, pushi
ng on the tire.
So I wrote the RomEnglish version in the dust on the side of the car, and forever sealed the moment in our group-history.

 Amy snapped photos, we piled into the car, and spun off down the road, still laughing...

That car of people count the night Adventura was born as one of the finest moments in the entire trip, and I can guarantee it would never have happened if Christi hadn't been our driver. :D

We laughed way too hard with Christi, and learned so much from him. I recall especially the day we were sitting in the house of some church-members eating gogosi and laughing at Christi one moment, and the next I was holding back tears as he told us his personal testimony of how he came to Christ. :)

He bestowed nicknames on several of the team:

Amy = Blondie (or Sister)
Sarah = Shortie
Justin = Beauty (he was always the last person to come down when we were getting read to go)
Daniel = Daniel-son the Curly One
Alaina = Seniorita
Mrs. E = Miss Daphne, The Boss
Matthew = Justin Bieber

And in return, of course, we named him Captain Romania and Glumesc. He taught Beauty how to shop for an Italian-style outfit. He bought us shaorma from a hole-in-the-wall at midnight. He stayed up all night long the last night in Romania, and didn't go to bed even though he'd been up till 5 studying the night before. Long live Glumesc, and may he ever have plenty of shnitzel and french-fries and gogosi! May God bless and keep him, and especially bless his upcoming marriage! :)