"Hi, I'm Single and I Have Blisters."

Most days I am quite content in the fact that it may be a longgggggggggg time till I get married. Mama always looks at me with mock severity and says, "You have no idea how quickly things can change." She's always right, but that doesn't mean I'm hedging any bets. I have a full life here without a fella. I mean, between work, my family, and my writing (yes, it is a thing that intentionally distracts me from self-pity) would I even have time for a relationship? Can't get much better than painting my toenails blue and watching Once Upon a Time with my sisters, can it?

This is my "Yayyyyy Daddddddd" face.

Not that I'd really know...

Some days it just kind of hits me. Know the sort? The fact that no man in my age-group has ever told me he thinks I'm something pretty awesome, that he wants to get to know me better, that I'm the person he looks for when he walks into a room, that I'm the girl he's been praying for. Whenever I have days like this, I'm hesitant to verbally recognize the yearning because I don't want to set off a stream of, "It's okay, you'll find a guy someday. Just wait patiently on the Lord. He is faithful."
Of course He's faithful. Of course I'll (probably) find a guy someday. But no one said that the boots aren't going to pinch now and then.

Yes, sometimes it gets annoying. Case in point: two more friends got engaged this week. I barely see my cousin anymore because he's got a girlfriend and a new job and chill-time doesn't happen. No conversation goes on at home without turning to someone's wedding plans. Sometimes the Love Bug victim-count seems like it's hacking up there with the Black Plague and I start wondering who slipped the Thieve's Oil into my pocket because honestly, they can have it back. I wouldn't mind catching that plague. If falling in love is sabotage, then I have a death-wish.

I've gotten to the point where I laugh on these days and message my equally-single best friend and together we compare notes about how fabulous we are. Chocolate is good too. I know this feeling of utter....futility isn't going to last. Handsome men will be toads from now till kingdom-come, tiny blondes will probably still rank top on the list of Quickly Married Women, and athletic, rugged, cowboy types will probably still want a wife who will go running (or barrel-racing) with him for the next forevermore. I'll still rumble along cheerily as ever, I'll enjoy my job, enjoy my family, and enjoy playing bridesmaid, florist, hairstylist, cake-decorator, and event coordinator for the friends who are getting married. I'll have adventures and love life and meet people and go to social functions and be me. That's how life is.

And it's good. But life can hurt and I guess what I'm here to say tonight is this: it's okay.

Girls: It's okay that there's an ache under your breastbone and an incapacity to look at another wedding picture in your Pinterest feed. It's okay that you feel like punching the handsome-acquaintance-who-drinks-and-smokes (as your just found out) across his perfect nose. It's okay that you feel like sitting down with a tub of gelato and eating it--all of it--with your best friend or a sister while wishing for a saved, sanctified Captain Hook. It's okay that you let fly a snide remark about the eighteenth saccharine Facebook post in a week from that happily almost-wedded couple. Besides--sugar isn't good for you.

Family: It's okay that we are having a rough day. It's not that we think we'll never get married. We don't think God has left us in the ditch. We don't think we're going to be spinsters, we don't intend to join a dating website ASAP, we don't intend to fall into deep depression, start wearing sweat pants constantly, and adopt another cat. We're very simply getting a blister from walking this far down the road of singleness. We know our lives are precious, that there is adventure around every bend, and that we are blessed.

So people, let's have grace. Grace with ourselves, our families, and each other. Grace for the God who is leading us on this road that can seem as empty as the Oklahoma sky. It sounds weird to say we need grace for God, because the only grace we have comes through Him. But part of owning grace is acting upon it, and believing with grace that what He says is true takes real courage and doesn't come easily, some days.

I'm single. Tonight it stinks. Tomorrow it'll be a blessing. That's how it goes with singleness as with every other topsy-turvy stage in life. I am so blessed that Jesus has the map to this weird road. I think I'd be tempted to look for a short-cut.

{Butterfly} Transformation

I follow (and then when they get annoying unfollow) certain accounts on Twitter. These accounts are often those run by Christian young people who seem to live their lives by tweeting. But once in a while one of them will post something that actually catches my attention, which is why I tolerate one or two. The other night, @GentforChrist posted this:

Why do we give God just the good parts our life? He wants our wretched hearts so He can purify them.
— Imperfect Gent (@GentForChrist) February 12, 2014

At first it didn't seem like much more than trite, Christian lip service. I mean, haven't we all heard this a thousand times, practically every single Sunday at church? But I kept thinking about it, and the more I thought about it, the more astonishing and profound it became. I tend to come to Jesus with the parts of me that are "purified", the things I believe are "ready" to receive His touch. The parts that I have surrendered already, or that I've already asked him to remove. But see, here's the thing: God isn't in the business of removing; He transforms.

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

-Romans 12:1-2

God doesn't want to wait for me to try (and fail) to remove a certain sin or habit or struggle from my life before coming to Him as if He can't take the sight of it. No, He wants my raggle-taggle life and heart. He wants that original, sinful material that is so soiled and worn and wrung-out and wrong, and He wants to transform it into something beautiful and pure.

He wants to take the impatience and melt it down into contentment.
He wants to transform the lust into purity.
He wants to bend the greed into a ring of charity.
He wants to re-mold the bitterness into compassion and the selfishness into love.

By wanting "all of us", He wants the bad with the good, the evil with the pure because we have nothing good or pure outside of what He's given us. When I thought on this concept, it was like some things I've always thought clicked with what I wanted to feel. I mean...I had always known this concept of transformation, but I'd never taken the time to understand it: that I don't have to wait to feel accepted by Him until we've removed the laundry list of issues I have. Yes, I know there are some things in my life that are yet to be transformed but He's working on it. The other night, once I realized that it's not that things will be removed, but that they'll be transformed, a peace settled on my heart.

I understand transformations.

I'm a writer. I'm an artist. I get the fact that things don't go from unformed one moment to flesh and blood the next. There's a creation going on. We don't get from Winter to May in a flash of sunlight. There's a thaw, a relenting, a release. There's a bud, and a blossom, and then the summer comes in its flush of fruit and light and joy. A book isn't written by thinking, "This is a book" and there it is, all eighty-thousand words of it. No. It's sentence by sentence transforming abstract thoughts into tangible words and meanings. A song isn't written in a blinding burst of music. It is notes and melodies and harmonies strung together in intricate harmony.

Jesus is transforming me little by little, day by day. Sometimes I perceive it, sometimes I don't, but He wants all of me. Every little bit. The scrappy parts. The dark parts. The sad and lonely and angry parts. He wants all of it, because the Conjurer of all conjurers, the Magician of all magicians, the Artist of all artists is working with me--all of me--to sculpt me more like Him.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Try me, and know my anxieties;

And see if there is any wicked way in me,

And lead me in the way everlasting.

-Psalm 139:23-24-

Things an' Stuff. And Sherlock. Always Sherlock

If I seem to have neglected this blog, that is because I have been working too hard at publishing my debut novel, Fly Away Home! Yep, that's right! My debut novel is going to be available February 14th (Valentine's Day!) of this year! I am finished with formatting and cannot wait to reveal the cover this coming Wednesday on my writing blog: The Inkpen Authoress. Most of you will have read about it on Facebook or already follow The Inkpen Authoress, but for those of you who don't, here's a quick synopsis:

Fly Away Home, 1952 New York City:Callie Harper is a woman set to make it big in the world of journalism. Liberated from all but her buried and troubled past, Callie craves glamour and the satisfaction she knows it will bring. When one of America's most celebrated journalists, Wade Barnett, calls on Callie to help him with a revolutionary project, Callie finds herself co-pilot to a Christian man whose life and ideas of true greatness run noisily counter to hers on every point. But when the secrets of Callie's past are hung over her head as a threat, there is space for only one love, one answer: betray Wade Barnett to save her reputation, or sacrifice everything for the sake of the man she loved and the God she fled. The consequences of either decision will define the rest of her life.
Self-preservation has never looked more tempting.

It's an awesome feeling, "officializing" things. I decided to go the independent route for various reasons, not the least of which is because I like to be...well...independent with my writing! It's been a lot of hard work, a lot of fun, and will all come to a climax on February 14th when the book will be available for purchase!

So that's what has kept me away from "normal blogging". Let's see. I am praying about going back to Romania this spring/early summer so if you would pray that I would be able to have clarity about that decision. I have been so busy with my book that I haven't thought too much about it. On one hand, the idea of not going and seeing all the friends we made last time and having that experience again seems like agony; on the other hand, I want to be certain that this is the right thing for my year. It's not just a two-week trip: it's fundraising, planning, preparing, etc. As of now, I am headed toward going, but I want to put more thought and prayer into it before getting too far ahead.

How could a mission's trip not be a good thing? Of course it is always a good thing. I just need to know if it is my mission for this year. Last year was a beautiful string of travelling hither,thither and yon. It was awesome and definitely the exact right thing for last year. But outside of traveling and mental-spiritual-intellectual-relational growth, I didn't get all that much done. This year I'm starting off with a bang: publishing my first book. I have more books I am in the middle of writing and last year I was in such a perennially penniless state that I feel I need to do something about that situation so I can at least keep myself shod. That means I'll need to keep at my writing as well as try to get more writing students and see what else I can do to collect funds. :)

Anyway, that's what's wandering around my brain at present. Sooner or later I want to do a post about these big old vague ideas I've been reading over in G.K.Chesterton's Orthodoxy and Dorothy Sayers' The Mind of the Maker, but that's all a bit much for a sleepy Saturday morning, don't you think?

On a more exciting and random note, I have seen the first two episodes of Season 3 of Sherlock and just let me say: Gatiss at the wheel has in no way been a slight on the show.

These two episodes were brilliant, satisfying, and wonderful. There were so many moments of "D'AWWWWWW!" and a few nervousing moments and quite a lot of John which is always a wonderful thing, and more Mycroft (Jeremiah Lorrig looks like a young Mycroft, by the by) and then you have Mary of course, which is a beautiful thing. I have heard the final episode of this season is gonna be a thriller/nail-biter/screamer and you've got to stay through till the end of the credits or something. Everyone's taking after Marvel these days.

Well, toodle-pip, everyone! May your weekend be blessed with the richness of Christ!

Don't Waste Your Life

"You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

1 Corinthians 6:19

     I sit down to review Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper...

     How on earth is one supposed to review a book that is both fathoms deep and extremely practical in a manner that won't make a hash of it all? I have never been much good at reviewing things because I am no good at logic or logical thought processes. But I know that God spoke to me through reading this book and I know it's a book that every single one of you (yes, even you friends who wandered over from the link on Facebook and don't really feel like reading a book review) NEEDS to read. Per my recent fascination with underlining favorite bits in books, each time I sat down with this book, I did so with pen in hand. I am so glad I did--there was scarcely a page I didn't mark up in some fashion.

    This book is just that good.

     He starts out with the quotation from 1 Corinthians above and immediately jumps in:

  "If you are a Christian, you are not your own. Christ has bought you at the prince of his own death. You now belong doubly to God: He made you, and he bought you.  That means your life is not your own. IT is God's. Therefore, the Bible says, 'Glorify God in your body.' God made you for this. He bought you for this. This is the meaning of your life."

     Wham.

     A page later: "It was becoming clearer and clearer that if I wanted to come to the end of my life and not say, 'I've wasted it!' then I would need to press all the way in, and all the way up, to the ultimate purpose of god and join him in it. If my life was to have a single, all-satisfying, unifying passion, it would have to be God's passion. And...God's passion was the display of his own glory and the delight of my heart."

 And this is only the beginning of one of the most revolutionary books I've ever read. Revolutionary not because John Piper is making up a new system of "How to Live a Full Life". Revolutionary because he simply digs into God's word and pulls out the thing that has been lying there forever: God's passion. And when you get a sense of that passion and what it means, your life will never be the same again. My life can never be the same again. I suppose the thrust of the book can be simplified in Piper's words on page 38:

"God calls us to pray and think and dream and plan and work not to be made much of , but to make much of him in every part of our lives."

    I'm finding it hard to put into words how much the message of this book excites me. I am gripped with a passion to not waste my life. I want to be the person who lives recklessly for Christ. A person who sees the cost, knows the cost, and delights in paying that price so she can bring glory to the One who rescued her soul from death.
       "Won't it hurt?" you might ask. Oh, I know it will sometimes. I might even die for living recklessly in pursuit of His glory. But here again, Piper addresses the fundamental misunderstanding that causes so many people to waste their precious, short lives:

"Death is a threat to the degree that it frustrates your main goals. Death is fearful to the degree that it threatens to rob you of what you treasure most....(when we treasure) Christ most, (our) goal (is) to magnify Christ. And (we see) death not as a frustration of that goal but as an occasion for its fulfillment." 

     When you are living for any other reason than to bring glory to God, death is terrifying. But isn't that quote beautiful? THIS is why Christians can be joyful in the face of any and every terror. THIS is the glorious mystery of Christ! Living is Christ. Dying is gain. In every situation we are more than conquerors through His mercy and grace.
     I wish I could get you to see the amazing thing this ultimate goal is: how the passion for it shines so brilliant a light over history, current events, and the world that all other voices are drowned. I really can't describe it...just read this book. It will change the most mundane task into a service of praise. It will cause you to risk all because you know the loss of each thing for Jesus' sake only serves to show the world how highly we value him. It will give you a passion for telling everyone else of the Glorious Lord, and a raging hunger to be more like him. I can't help but think of the words to "Let Your Kingdom Come":

"Your glorious cause, Oh God,

Engages our hearts

May Jesus Christ be known

wherever we are.

We ask not for ourselves

But for your renown.

The cross has saved us so we pray:

'Your kingdom come.'

Let your kingdom come

Let your will be done

So that everyone might know your name.

Let your song be heard

Everywhere on earth

Till your sovereign work on earth is done

Let your kingdom come!

Give us your strength, O God,

And courage to those who speak

Perform your wondrous deeds

Through those who are weak.

Lord, use us as you want,

Whatever the test.

By grace we'll preach your Gospel

Till our dying breath.

Read this book. It's going to change you into something different, I warn you. You'll never be able to view your life the same way. You'll never want to view it the same way. My heart is full and still while at the same time beating like a caged bird to be allowed to dart forth and set the minds of men ablaze to His glory. I can say little but this:
Oh, Jesus, let me live and fight and die in the pursuit of Your glory! This is all I want. This is the service I am giving my life to. Let everything I do be to this end. Because your love is better than life, my lips will praise you. Jesus, please, let me do this: let me live recklessly for Your name. Give me the courage and the tenacity, and use me as your image-bearer in the way your created me to live this precious, heart-beat life.
Piper rightly says "a life devoted to making much of Christ is costly." But it's a beautiful cost, and one I am going to fight for night and day, moment by moment, from now till His kingdom comes. Will you give Him your life--quite literally--so when the end has come you can look back and know it was a life well-spent?

"And they sang a new song, saying, 'Worthy are you (O Christ) to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they shall reign on the earth.' " -Revelation 5:9-10

A Really Important Post to Me....

Every year Spring comes, followed by Summer, followed by Autumn, followed by a visit from Pastor Ioan Zaharia--a Romanian pastor who has faithfully made the pilgrimage to America each year to visit family in Chicago, then drive the 16 hours here to visit our church and another church near DC.

Every year.

And each time I am blessed beyond belief by the sight of him. By hearing him preach in Romanian, and read the greeting from his church. By hearing him preach from God's word and see his eyes light up with love for Jesus Christ. His has not been an easy life. When Romania was under communism, "Pastor John" would preach on Sunday, be thrown in jail on Monday, released a little later in the week, then start the whole process over again.

To see this man's dedication to come to our church and share his fire and passion and faithfulness is so utterly amazing. On one of his last visits, I felt the love of Christ extending so magnificently through the language and culture barriers. As Pastor John begged us again to come for a visit, I felt God speaking to me:

You could go. You could encourage the Romanian Christians by a visit. You could see the bigger picture I have for this world by getting outside of your own petty troubles. You could get out of your selfish bubble and see My people and how My love levels the playing field for you all...

And suddenly my heart longed with a fierce ache to go to this country to visit this people, and to give back a bit of the blessing Pastor John has given us. He continued to speak with us, and I heard about the orphans...how they cling to visitors in the orphanages and beg them to take them home because all they have ever wanted in their entire life is to have a mommy and daddy.

You could go, the Voice said again. You could hold these children and play with them and pray for them and show them My love.

That night I wrote a letter to Mama,  laying out my strange and sudden desire to go halfway across the world to visit this people. I told her how I feel the need to be awakened to the greater work in the world; to meet the others who are marching under Christ's banner and have a rougher road of it than I. "I know we just don't do things like this," I remember writing, "but I feel like this is something I'm being called to do."

Fast-forward a year or two and you have us here: God has expanded the walls of my desire as we have shared it with the other young people in our church. To cut it to a rather blunt point, there is now a team of ten or twelve of us planning on going to Romania this spring.

The trick?

We need to collect the funds (a sum of about $12,000 all told) before we can go. And our target leaving date is somewhere between March 8 and March 16. After that, the airfare jumps from $700-$800 dollars up to about $1400 per ticket. Obviously, the time is short, the need is immediate, and it's a thing that God will work through if He wants us to go this Spring.

The thing is, everything else has fallen in place. The people in Romania are ready for us. We have a young man whose family lives and works in Romania who would be in the country the same time as us. Even the red-tape at the passport offices has been surprisingly quick and easy.

It seems that the time is, indeed right.

I know that financial times are tough, and many of you might not be able to help us out financially. If you are able to give a little, you can read about the trip, the team, how to help, and the destination on the blog I created for the trip:

The Road to Romania 

Even if the only way you can participate is in prayer, that is really important. Perhaps even more important than the money. (On a spiritual level...) And prayer that the funds will come together would be awesome on the practical side. If you want to shoot us an email letting us know you'll be praying, that'd be great. :) The email address is: scamissionstrip@gmail.com

We will be getting a Paypal button up on the blog very shortly, but for now, if you'd like to make a donation to the effort, you can do so by sending a check to the address on the "How To Help" page. 

Thanks for all your prayers and support, and I will definitely keep everyone updated on how the fundraising goes! We will be having updates on the blog, and if you would be willing to spread the word about the project and blog, I would so greatly appreciate it! :)

Love to you all!

       ~Rachel

A tissue-paper election

"Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before." 

-Jacob A. Riis

You'd think that with Obama as president of our country again I'd be struck down into some dull state of depression and despair.

The temptation was there last night. It really was.

After all, for the past five days I, along with sixty students, a slew of parents, and an awesome team of fellow leaders, had worked our tails off making phone-calls twelve hours a day, running through neighborhoods passing out literature, enduring foul-mouthed people tired to death of the phone-calls, and generally pouring our every drop of life's blood into this presidential race.

When I sat with my kids and watched the results come in, when it was clear that not only was America keeping Obama, but my own state as well, it was tempting to feel a haze of depression and give into it.

But one of our leaders had the oh-so-brilliant and right idea to turn down the volume on the news and to turn up some worship music. As the words to "Ten Thousand Reasons" poured out of the speakers, I turned my heart to worship the Lord:

"Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me let me be singing when the evening comes..."

After several songs one of my dear friends and fellow leaders came over and began to pray with me. We knelt together on the ground and just poured our hearts out to the Lord...

Pleading for His mercy on our country and for His protection of the unborn children.

Praise for His marvelous ways so far beyond us.

Repentance for pride, for foolishness, and for ignorance.

Dedication of our hearts and minds to His will and service.

Trust that Obama is the president God intends to use in our lives in some way.

I cried. I laughed. And the Lord was with me. I literally felt Jesus' presence right there with me, and His voice whispering comfort and peace and joy back into my heart. It was surreal, how a half hour of deep, intense, sincere prayer changed my mourning into dancing. We prayed separately and then together, and by the end of the time we were literally laughing through the tears over how silly we were to have lost our perspective.

God is way bigger than Obama. He's way bigger than America. He's way bigger than which states went red and which went blue and if our phone-calls and door-knocking mattered at all. He's bigger than all that. The word Josie and I were given in that moment was tissue-paper: it's all tissue-paper in the face of the steel-fists of our God and King.

So Obama is our leader. We are called to pray for Him. We thought we knew what was best for America, but obviously Jesus planted Obama as president of America for another four years for a reason. To bring Himself glory in some way. Our job? Stop complaining. Get involved. And pray. Pray harder than you've ever prayed in your life and don't stop after the election buzz settles. Look for ways to serve Christ and keep on keeping on. It's life people. We weren't made for this world so we're not going feel natural and skin-smooth-fit into it. So let's be resilient, let's be humble, and let's not let a mere man steal our joy.

"Waits" and Measures ;)

"Trust in the Lord, and do good;

Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

Delight yourself also in the Lord,

And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord,

Trust also in Him,

And He shall bring it to pass.

He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,

And your justice as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him..."

~Psalm 37: 3-7 

I love these verses. They have the soothing effect on me that so many of the Psalms have. I love many many passages of the Bible, but the Psalms are to me some of the most inspiring. David (and the other psalmists) had every human emotion under the sun. They fretted, worried, sinned, fought, despaired, and yet there is always that element of a Psalm that is victorious. A waiting upon the Lord that prevails. They minister to my very soul in the moments when I am most tempted to take things into my own hands.

We single girls often take verse 4 to mean that the Lord will give us everything we desire--a husband, a home, a family of our own. And for many of us that will be a blessed reality. It is a beautiful promise that the Lord cares about the dreams of our heart. But there is an even greater assurance to be found in that verse. Have you ever looked at one of those optical-illusion pictures? You look at it one way and see an old man--you blink and suddenly you see a Spanish guitarist singing to a pretty senorita. Scripture is often that way for me--I read a verse I've read a dozen times and the Lord brings a new perspective out of the flat page and suddenly He is speaking to me. The Word is alive, isn't it? :)

"Delight yourself also in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart." A while back I started to notice something intriguing and exciting about this verse. As we delight in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our heart. He will hand us desires and plant in us desires and as we delight in Him our hearts will conform to His image until our deepest desires are His desires.

That is what I noticed about this verse. I have a deep-rooted, deep-seated desire to be married and raise a family one day. I have told you before that in my own human, Emma-Woodhouse-ian mind I cannot see how on earth God will bring a husband to me. I don 't doubt His ability, but I do think it'll take a mountain of a miracle to bring us together. "All things conspire against the idea!" I might moan. ;) But God is entirely able--I know that much. :) For now I keep sacrificing that desire of marriage, praying fervently that if that desire is not part of His plan, that He will replace it with dreams of His own plans. And I know He will do that.

So let's continue on, desiring nothing but what He desires. And I'll let you know if that mountain of a miracle starts happening. ;)

The Doorstep of the Ever-After

Our speaker at the Girls' Retreat covered a wide variety of topics. However her talk the first night stood out to me as my "nugget" for the weekend.

She spoke of the fact that there are many unknown things ahead in our lives. The temptation is to fear and hold fast to our own desires because we fear that God's desires are not as good as our own. We are like little children who are holding fast to our own plans and hopes and dreams because our faith is too small to see what our Father holds behind His back, waiting for us to open our arms to Him so that He can give it to us.

“God never witholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good. God's refusals are always merciful -- "severe mercies" at times but mercies all the same. God never denies us our hearts desire except to give us something better.” -Elisabeth Elliot

She spoke of fear as an apprehension before the need has arisen. Thus we worry that God will not bring us a husband when we wouldn't exactly know what to do with him if we had one! We worry that when we do get married our husband will die and we'll  be left a widow. We worry that our house will be foreclosed on. We worry, worry, worry, worry and are left with empty hands and hearts in the end.

What is it that makes us worry so? It is from a misunderstanding of our true God. As 1 Corinthians 10:5 says, we must take "captive every thought to the obedience of Christ." We can't leave our understanding of God up to how we feel God is. We must learn to know Him from what He says of himself through His word.

With that foundation we can surely learn from the Israelites that the God who takes care of us today will take care of us tomorrow. God doesn't change like a shifting shadow. He is a constant--the beautiful Rock on which we build our faith. As I listened to Mrs. Cloudt speaking on this strain, the Lord brought to mind a piece of Ann Voskamp's 1,000 Gifts book. She writes that the very word "manna"--that miracle of the Lord to His people in the desert literally means "What is it?" And yet they gave thanks for the "What is it?" every day of those 40 years.
It put me in mind of God's plan for my life. I won't know God's plans. I mightn't even understand them half the time. And yet if I can say with my heart on my lips, "Thank you, Lord, for the what-is-it?" I have understood in part the joy to be found in Christ.

As Mrs. Cloudt says, "It is not that the trials will not come, but God will give us the strength to withstand."

We have the power of heaven and earth at our back and we shiver and shrink before the Unknown as if it were a precipice and we dangled above Hell's doorstep. We forget the palm of the Hand that cups us. We forget His mercies and His grace. We forget everything because we are so stupidly focused on the here and now. We exchange or immortal souls for mortal minds with their worries and cares.

"We must live for eternity---that life is more real than this," Mrs. Cloudt said.

And it's true. This is only the title-page of our ever-after life. It is the prelude to the real song. It is only the doorstep to the palace of Heaven. Hold fast, girls. Hold fast to Jesus Christ and His perspective on the world, and things will fall as they ought. He has not left us to fend for ourselves or beat through the briars. He has not forgotten us or ignored us. He is just waiting for us to loosen our sweaty, grimy grip on life so He can pour His blessings into our lap and sing over us.

Marriage...an idol?

Marriage is a beautiful thing, and one I have dreamed of since I was a tiny girl. Come to think of it, I believe nearly every dream I've had since my girlhood has been wrapped up in a man of my own, a family of my own, a house of my own...living in a large family encouraged such thinking, as my heroes, my examples, my life was made of such stuff.

But let's be candid, girls. Sometimes our dreams do not reflect the Lord's plan. As a "fortune cookie" my brother got the other day said, (Gracious me, we know not to depend on those!) "The only thing we can know for sure about future developments is that they will develop." (Truism, anyone? :P) And as a Christian, we have the assurance that those plans are made for our good. (Rom. 8:28) It is tempting to think we know more about our own hearts than Christ does. It is tempting to think we ought to "help" Christ orchestrate the plans because after all, we could never tread that path--He must be confused.
Girls, girls. We must learn to give our idols up. Even the idols unconsciously made. For me, for a long time, that has been marriage. Not that I have worshiped the idea, or even made overmuch of it. But I have feared and dreaded and balked against the idea of being what people have termed "An old maid."
I am reluctant to admit it to the world, but hitherto my thinking has been more along these lines:

"And if I am called to be single my entire life [God forbid!] then I'll do such-and-such." 

Living my entire life without marrying? Just sitting here for 80 years with no change in my daily habits? Sheesh! Not me, Lord. You must have another plan for me! I don't think I have the gift of Singleness.

 But lately my precious Savior has been showing me otherwise. He has not told me that I will never be married--for all I know I could be a wife within a year or two! But He has shown me that He is enough. I cannot live these days as a single young lady waiting for a husband. I could very well never be married--I don't know God's plan. So what good could it do me to sulk for ten years until I turn 30, resign myself to the idea of never being married, and finally get my act together?
No. If being a single woman all my life is what the Lord calls me to, I want every day from now to 30 and from 30 to 100 to be full and vibrant and joyful. I want to pursue things I am interested in, honing my skills and talents to be used for His glory. I want to be an inspiration to my sisters, I want to help my family and friends.

I want to go places and do things and live a full life.

If that includes marriage and my own family, praise the Lord! If not? I don't wish to be a dusty parlor-decoration...a proverbial bowl of potpourri dry-rotting in a corner while making sweet smiles and sighs over dried up, youthful dreams.
I have gained much encouragement from the biography of Amy Carmichael that Elisabeth Elliot wrote: A Chance to Die. (The best of both worlds, anyone? ;) Amy Carmichael is one of the most beloved women of all time, lived to a ripe old age, had a huge family in India, and yet never ever married. She was an amazing woman of Jesus--charming and vibrant, lively and merry....real.

I look at her example and I think, "Would I have the courage?" and then Jesus puts a gentle hand on my shoulder and whispers, "You don't need courage--all you need is Me."
And really, girls, that's the whole of it. We don't need courage. We need Christ. I am confident that the same Lord that keeps me today, that blesses me, prospers me, and holds me will be the same Lord that will keep me in whatever path He has prepared. That is all I need, and that is all that matters. We have Jesus, and "the fullness of Him who fills all in all," as Ephesians 1 says.

"All the paths of the Lord are loving and faithful" Psalm 25:10 I have pondered this verse lately, and have found that it feeds my spirit. All does not mean "all - except the paths I am walking in now," or "nearly all - except this especially difficult and painful path." All must mean all. So, your path with its unexplained sorrow or turmoil, and mine with its sharp flints and briers - and both our paths, with their unexplained perplexity, their sheer mystery - they are His paths, on which he will show himself loving and faithful. Nothing else; nothing less"

~Amy Carmichael

A Tale of Turkeys, Pollyanna, and A Selfish Girl

"Happy Thanksgiving!"

 It has become a trite expression, and one I'm sometimes reluctant to say because I don't get that excited about turkey. I mean, come on! And then I mentally stagger backward, realizing what I just did. I just succumbed to America's holiday illness--that of commercialism! The word "Thanksgiving" now means nothing to my imagination except for another family dinner and a big turkey? I refuse to accept that.

Some years I am overwhelmed with gratitude on this holiday. Other years, the stress of life has caught up with me and I am not even in practice at recognizing blessings for what they are. As little as I want to admit it, this is that sort of a year, in some ways. Not that I am ungrateful for the big things: food, shelter, family, etc., but I've been feasting on God's goodness and not even stopping to thank Him for it. It's not easy for me to admit it, because it sounds so...horrid of me! Truly. If I stop to think about it, my heart crinkles up inside me with shame. I feel like precisely like Amy March when she said, "I'm a selfish girl."

I will admit to focusing on everything that is either happening too quickly and too much, or the things that are not happening at all. I've labeled my blessings as things I'm entitled to, and I have not recognized them as God gifts. Now that I'm stopping to confess this spirit of ingratitude in myself, I am ashamed. What is it that I've let myself slip into? And as silly as it sounds, the first person I think of when I think of someone who has the best heart of thanksgiving I think of....

Pollyanna.

I never much liked her in the Disney version--it seemed she knew the Glad Game was just a game. But recently I watched the Masterpiece Theatre version of Pollyanna, and I found my heart reaching out to this little girl who was so full of the joy of living. It sounds sappy, but it's true. There was one scene where she was just laying on her stomach in the grass, staring at the lake and singing a hymn...it was so simple, and yet it was so right. I know in my own life I am guilty of the sin of trying to fit too much in the cracks. Every moment is filled with something. I am always doing things, and this year in particular, I've left no time for being. It's a lesson children know well. Pollyanna asks her aunt, after she hears her new schedule: "But when will I have time to live? I know I shall be breathing, but it's not the same thing as living, you know."

A.A. Milne said it well: "Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

I think of the story in Luke 10:38-42....

³⁸ Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. ³⁹ And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” ⁴¹ And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. ⁴² But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

I have been a Martha this year, and I've been wrong. Oh Lord Jesus, forgive me for my ungrateful, busy heart. Let me be Mary, before Your feet, enjoying life as You give it to me, and contenting myself in Your gifts to me. Now the only thing left to do is to say with Lady Harriet, "I feel chastened...truly." And to make a list of the first twenty things I am praising Jesus for.

1. I thank You for your loving arms that hold me, even when I am as fractious as a croupy baby
2. I thank You for my sisters
3. And my brothers
4. I thank You for parents who are bringing me up to love You, and to trust You
5. I thank You for godly men like Peter Marshall who have taught us to love You better
6. I thank You for literature and the ability to read
7. I thank You for quotes. :)
8. I thank You for distinct seasons
9. I thank You for laughter...what would I do without it?
10. I thank You for the gift of music
11. And for the way You with-hold some gifts, only to pour others into our laps more richly than before.
12. I thank You for whoever thought up baking
13. I thank You for holidays were everyone pauses and remembers the simpler things in life.
14. I thank You for inspiration for so many projects
15. I thank You for health
16. I thank You for dancing
17. I thank You for dear friends
18. I thank You for your vast, unending, incomprehensible, enormous love that NEVER leaves me
19. I thank You for cranberries
20. I thank You for Cricket (my cuddly black pussy)

Thank you Jesus! Now all the rest of you have a blessed Thanksgiving, and please, let's not underestimate the value of Doing Nothing. :) I pledge here and now to take some time to Do Nothing each day...will you? :)

                                               Love,

                                                    Rachel

Man Cannot Live on Daydreams Alone...

I have already confessed that I am a Romantic. Entirely. I like nothing better than to hear a good love-story, or watch a BBC period-drama. My favorite dreams are those in which I get married. I've always been that way, and I assume I always will.
My greatest desire (second to living for Christ) is to be a wife and mother. A wife to a man who will undoubtedly have his fault and foibles, but to whom I will be a help-meet and encourager, a companion and the love of his life. A mother to a host of children who will go out and do Kingdom Work. Our home will be a castle and I'll be queen.
It's a fond wish of mine, and I admit, at times, to spending too much time daydreaming about it. But since I graduated the Lord has been convicting me of a certain area we single daughters too often overlook. And it is this:

It's okay to have a life. It's good to have a life.

Now let me explain. In the words of an older woman I was talking to about this topic:

"The godly men are looking for a woman who is living a joyful, vibrant life. They don't want the girls sitting around waiting for a man to complete them. They want to marry a whole woman who is living life to the fullest, not a mousy day-dreamer who mopes through all her single days."

And you know, it's true? Think about it from a guy's perspective. What sort of woman will be the better help-meet? The girl who sat knitting and sighing over the thought of one day being a help-meet, or the girl who was gaining new skills, meeting the needs of those around her, helping out in any way she could until her man arrived?
Who does he want? A girl who can't exist in any productive and profitable way without his constant attention and affirmation, or a girl who knows the nitty-gritty and is content to aid her husband's plans and dreams even when he temporarily forgets her need for tenderness and loving attention?
That's a skill that we single daughters have plenty of opportunity to learn. We can practice and train to be joyful, vibrant women with full lives in this season when we don't have our man here to love us. This is prime time to grow in our walks with the Lord and learn to rely on Him and only Him for our contentment and unwavering love. Let's not waste these precious years, girls. If we can learn how to live now, we will be a double-blessing to our husbands in that Someday. Cherish your dreams, and don't cast romance aside entirely...I know I don't. :) But truly girls, I think we could all do with a little less daydreaming and a little more living. After all, we don't want to be the woman who, in her old age, looks back to her youth and sees a life of empty yesterdays. This season is the only one like it in life. Let's not spend them playing Fancy's Fool. Let's live life to the hilt, and trust in the Lord to bring us our man in His timing.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.   

God tells us to delight in Him and He will give us the desires of our hearts. He was the One who put them there, and He'll follow through. As my dear friend, Abigail said, "God doesn't give us empty desires." :)
  In closing I wanted to share a quote that I found in a very unlikely place, (The Civil War Diary of Sarah Morgan) but that has been such a comfort to me in the Hard To Wait times:

"If I am to marry, some blessed man is destined for me. He may be at my elbow, or at the antipodes. It matters not for go where I will, do what I will, sooner or later, at the time appointed by Heaven, we will meet, and nothing will prevent it."
   ~Sarah Morgan

Have a blessed day, dear friends! ~Rach

A Dose of Elisabeth Elliot

  ‎"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." -C.S. Lewis

Do you ever feel this way? I know I do. Too often, in fact. :D I think Jesus understands our human dilemma...not having minds big enough to realize His vastness. But sometimes our fear, perhaps, of the unknown [unknown to us] can cause us some consternation. Especially when we are seeking Him over a particular issue, trying to understand His will and hear His voice. In moments like this, after we've turned to Scripture and are continuing in prayer, it helps to consult some brothers and sisters in Christ who have walked this road before us. Some of my favorite ways are rummaging through quotes from these Greats in the faith. Elisabeth Elliot....you are a blessing to me and so many other young ladies striving to live in the Lord's will for our lives. Here are some amazing quotes from this great woman of faith on discerning God's will:

“Does it make sense to pray for guidance about the future if we are not obeying in the thing that lies before us today? How many momentous events in Scripture depended on one person's seemingly small act of obedience! Rest assured: Do what God tells you to do now, and, depend upon it, you will be shown what to do next.”
     ~Elisabeth Elliot

"The will of God is never exactly what you expect it to be. It may seem to be much worse, but in the end it's going to be a lot better and a lot bigger." ~Elisabeth Elliot

“I do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one’s thoughts. Its easy to talk oneself into a decision that has no permanence – easier sometimes than to wait patiently.”  ~Elisabeth Elliot

“It is God to whom and with whom we travel, and while He is the end of our journey, He is also at every stopping place.” ~Elisabeth Elliot

“Leave it all in the Hands that were wounded for you”~Elisabeth Elliot