Thanks, Gents

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Dear Gentlemen,
      When you hear the word 'gentlemen', you probably shrink inside, thinking we expect you to be some huge Titan of gallantry or the archetype of good manners. Maybe we do appreciate that in a man, but today I just wanted to thank you. Some people think the race of gentlemen has died off. I can't agree entirely, because you are here. I wonder if you realize how much you effect me and many another girl just by being considerate, amiable, and genuine. Not all men are gentlemen, but when we women meet one, we know him for what he is immediately.
     Did you know we were that keen? Well, we are.
     I feel that good things cannot be commended enough, and fine men deserve as much recognition as the rakish fools who take up so much space in the news without having done anything worthy. So here's your little space of glory: here I want to tell you the things that you do right, and (coming from me), the things you do that make girls breathe again and think, 'There are real men in the world after all.' This is a letter for the gentlemen I know, and their kindred whom I have not had the blessing of meeting. These are the things you do (and are) that make me smile:

      I love when you laugh. I love when you make me laugh.

      I love your friendship--you don't know what a treasure it is, knowing young men who are actually interested in appreciating my soul, not what I can give them in exchange for a little attention.

      I love looking across a room when someone says something funny, and reading mutual hilarity in your eyes, and then laughing about it with you later.

      I love your sensibleness, and the way you guide conversations into useful courses that a girl might never have thought of, were we discussing the same topics.

      I love your useless bits of information that expand my intellect in ways I'd never looked for. (cannibal forks, anyone?)

      I love it when you open a door for me--I realize you know I could do it myself and I am thankful you do it anyway, just out of kindness. You're not being a Chauvinist, whatever people might say.

      I love it when you take time to talk to me and ask questions, like you really want to know what I think.

      I love it when you remember little things we discussed a long time ago and bring them back up when I least expect it.

      I love it when you have good handwriting.

      I love it when you offer to accompany me on errands I've been asked to run.

      I love it when you have massive pools of talent, but I have to find out from someone else (or personal observation) because you don't talk up your good points to impress me.

      I love when you've read the same books I have, or new ones that you make me read.

      I love when you disagree with me and make a good case for your side of a question.

      I love when you quote Shakespeare, or my favorite movies. (or Cabin Pressure. ;)

      I love when you admire plain women, because I know you're seeing the important side of them.
   
      I love it when you obviously have taken care with your appearance.
   
      I love it when you seem to have forgotten you are looking very sharp.

      I love it when you make little kids laugh, and laugh with them.

      I love it when you ask if you can dip me when we dance.

      I love it when you give a genuine compliment with no hint of flattery inside.

  These are only some of the things I see in you, my dear gentlemen. And perhaps the thing I am most blessed by is that moment that comes along periodically where you remind me of My Man--the man I probably have not met yet, but whom I can see will be one of you. So thanks, gentlemen. You really don't get enough notice from the world in general--I didn't want to stay silent when you're such a huge part of how I can remain a lady myself.

All of my best,
        Your sister,
                      Rachel Heffington
         
     

Not Glass-Threads or Frost-Work...

Dear Girls,
     Prepare yourselves for a ramble. :)
I have been thinking recently on the various kinds of friendships. I have many friends who I am very fond of, and several who I have termed "dear friends". These are the ones that I can pour my heart out to, who are such kindred spirits that I feel they sometimes know me better than I know myself.
What is it that makes such friends? I cannot quite say. I seem to have a homing instinct for kindred spirits--I will see a person and immediately know that she and I would be good chums, given the chance. And sometimes I am given the chance, as was the case with one of my dearest friends now. A real "soul-sister", if you will excuse a cliche. :)
But again, what is it that makes a friend? Certainly it is not only a person who enjoys the same things as you. I know many girls who I am not on intimate terms with who have similar interests as me. I think that friendship and companionship are two different things. There are many people I could happily be friends with, but there are fewer that I could choose as companions--people to live with day in and day out.

I have come to realize that, contrary to what I has thought for a long time, the best companions are not always those that are most like you. In beliefs, of course, it is important that your intimate friends and equally yoked with you, but in all other categories (situation, personality, likes, dislikes) it can be extremely beneficial to have your dearest friends be quite different than you. In the same way that two dull objects, but brushing and colliding with one another may grow to be sharp in time, so two friends, clashing in amiable difference, may become all the stronger for those collisions.
"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another," Solomon said. And I have found it to be so. You see, it is pleasant to have a friend, a walking companion if you will, who agrees with you on every point, can share the same sensations over every view, every situation, every book and film and music you hear. But after a time such things can loose their luster if not coupled with a degree of originality. After all, what is it we seek in a friendship? Isn't it--to a certain point--to get outside of ourselves?
I have found it to be gloriously refreshing to make an observation on a point and see a friend smile and frown both, and say, "Really? I don't think so--" and then off they go making an indecently brilliant remark that would never have crossed my mind in ten years. Such friends are some of the best kinds, I think. After all, if we haven't a particular way of thinking (in my case, I am not exactly sensible or logical) mustn't we be taught? It's presumptuous and vain to think that we could happen upon all discoveries on our own. Sometimes we need to get a new perspective, a sparkling vision other than our own, and I bless the buttons of all my friends who provide that for me.
Of course I have some "dear friends" who are so much like me, it's ridiculous, and I treasure them as much as my gunpowder-girls. I just think that challenging, marveling friendships are precious. Please girls, never assume that because someone is bold and you are shy, or someone is quiet and you and merry and blithe, that you are incompatible--you might be missing out on a huge blessing!
In closing, I find that no words fit my thoughts any better than Emerson's. Therefore I will be quiet and let him speak:

"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know."