Today my heart is warm...

My heart is full of thankfulness today. Today of all days. But laying aside a day just for giving thanks puts me in mind of the state my heart should be in every day. "So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the one who gave it all." Amen?

Today my heart is warm over the small things:

Pie-crust, golden and flaky for once

A pair of kittens

Walking--alone--in the moonlight

Nonsense

Sleep

Music--when there are no words to describe the matter.

The scent of cold pines through the darkness.

Hunters

And their dogs

Fresh venison

Boyish smiles

Blushes

Laughter

Books to read

Stories to write

Windows to stare out of

Cranberry sauce

Today my heart is warm over the large things:

Family. My family.

My dear sister-in-law-but-not-quite, Abigail.

Christian men and women who have gone down this road before and scattered their wisdom along the way....such a treasure.

Traditions

Salvation through grace--the end of me, the depths of Him.

Worship songs that pierce my soul and lift it up.

Prayer--on my knees--with a dear friend.

All my dear friends-my love to you always

They mystery of provision always-especially when it never works out on paper.

My life story.

This chapter of my life story.

Today my heart is warm. Warm with gratitude and happiness and the good cheer and hearty American-ness of this season. May your day be as warm and bright.

A Tale of Turkeys, Pollyanna, and A Selfish Girl

"Happy Thanksgiving!"

 It has become a trite expression, and one I'm sometimes reluctant to say because I don't get that excited about turkey. I mean, come on! And then I mentally stagger backward, realizing what I just did. I just succumbed to America's holiday illness--that of commercialism! The word "Thanksgiving" now means nothing to my imagination except for another family dinner and a big turkey? I refuse to accept that.

Some years I am overwhelmed with gratitude on this holiday. Other years, the stress of life has caught up with me and I am not even in practice at recognizing blessings for what they are. As little as I want to admit it, this is that sort of a year, in some ways. Not that I am ungrateful for the big things: food, shelter, family, etc., but I've been feasting on God's goodness and not even stopping to thank Him for it. It's not easy for me to admit it, because it sounds so...horrid of me! Truly. If I stop to think about it, my heart crinkles up inside me with shame. I feel like precisely like Amy March when she said, "I'm a selfish girl."

I will admit to focusing on everything that is either happening too quickly and too much, or the things that are not happening at all. I've labeled my blessings as things I'm entitled to, and I have not recognized them as God gifts. Now that I'm stopping to confess this spirit of ingratitude in myself, I am ashamed. What is it that I've let myself slip into? And as silly as it sounds, the first person I think of when I think of someone who has the best heart of thanksgiving I think of....

Pollyanna.

I never much liked her in the Disney version--it seemed she knew the Glad Game was just a game. But recently I watched the Masterpiece Theatre version of Pollyanna, and I found my heart reaching out to this little girl who was so full of the joy of living. It sounds sappy, but it's true. There was one scene where she was just laying on her stomach in the grass, staring at the lake and singing a hymn...it was so simple, and yet it was so right. I know in my own life I am guilty of the sin of trying to fit too much in the cracks. Every moment is filled with something. I am always doing things, and this year in particular, I've left no time for being. It's a lesson children know well. Pollyanna asks her aunt, after she hears her new schedule: "But when will I have time to live? I know I shall be breathing, but it's not the same thing as living, you know."

A.A. Milne said it well: "Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

I think of the story in Luke 10:38-42....

³⁸ Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. ³⁹ And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” ⁴¹ And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. ⁴² But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

I have been a Martha this year, and I've been wrong. Oh Lord Jesus, forgive me for my ungrateful, busy heart. Let me be Mary, before Your feet, enjoying life as You give it to me, and contenting myself in Your gifts to me. Now the only thing left to do is to say with Lady Harriet, "I feel chastened...truly." And to make a list of the first twenty things I am praising Jesus for.

1. I thank You for your loving arms that hold me, even when I am as fractious as a croupy baby
2. I thank You for my sisters
3. And my brothers
4. I thank You for parents who are bringing me up to love You, and to trust You
5. I thank You for godly men like Peter Marshall who have taught us to love You better
6. I thank You for literature and the ability to read
7. I thank You for quotes. :)
8. I thank You for distinct seasons
9. I thank You for laughter...what would I do without it?
10. I thank You for the gift of music
11. And for the way You with-hold some gifts, only to pour others into our laps more richly than before.
12. I thank You for whoever thought up baking
13. I thank You for holidays were everyone pauses and remembers the simpler things in life.
14. I thank You for inspiration for so many projects
15. I thank You for health
16. I thank You for dancing
17. I thank You for dear friends
18. I thank You for your vast, unending, incomprehensible, enormous love that NEVER leaves me
19. I thank You for cranberries
20. I thank You for Cricket (my cuddly black pussy)

Thank you Jesus! Now all the rest of you have a blessed Thanksgiving, and please, let's not underestimate the value of Doing Nothing. :) I pledge here and now to take some time to Do Nothing each day...will you? :)

                                               Love,

                                                    Rachel