I am a romantic. I admit it freely, because I've found I can't avoid people finding out, no matter what I do. ;) I am prone to staring dreamy-eyed out windows, or smiling softly about nothing in particular while someone is trying to talk to me. I love all the Jane Austen, Dickens, and Elizabeth Gaskell period-dramas.(And yes, I did get a secret little thrill over the fact that this blog's acronym is almost BBC! :D)
Like most young women I love to dream of the day I will be married to a godly, noble, amazing man. But as we all know, it can be hard to wait for him. I know it is hard for girls who look out on their acquaintance and think, "Wow, I'd like to marry him but why doesn't he just get his act together?", but in some ways it is harder for girls like me who think, "Um....hello? Anybody in there? Oh, just you? Another girl? Where are all the guys?"
Because I will be quite frank with you. I hardly know any young men of marriageable age. I can count three that I have actually spoken to in the past several years. And pretty much the ones I do know, I am related to. Seriously, that is the state of affairs in Rachel-dom. A dire case? One might think so. At least you girls who know people have a chance! Or so my mind tends to run.
The Lord and I have conversations on this topic fairly often. They tend to run like so:
God: "Rachel, are you pouting?"
Me: "Um...You might call it that, God....yes. I am. I'm sorry!" (I'm quick to apologize. :P)
God: "Don't you believe that I have your story all written out?"
Me: "Yes, I do, Lord. You know I do...but how in tarnation will I get married? I don't know anyone!"
God: "I know everyone--and I know your story."
Me: "I know you do. Thank You for that. But....Father, couldn't you give me a glimpse of him? Couldn't I meet him, even if I won't get married anytime soon, just so I could know he was around?"
God: "Would that be the best thing for you and your romantic mind? Come now...would it?"
Me: "I suppose not. I'm sorry." (There it is again! :D)
God: "You would be even more distracted knowing he was around than you are now. I want your mind to be focused on Me. I must be your True Love, you know. I am with-holding him for now to protect you."
Me: "Yes, Lord. You know best."
God: "I do. Thank you for recognizing that." ;)
And so we progress. :) Jesus is such a comfort to me, for He has been teaching me that my first love must be Himself, and before I have learnt this lesson, a husband would be more of a danger then a blessing, for after the first few weeks of marriage I would realize was was married to a man. Does he have skin? Yes? Then he's human, and a sinner. Thinking of Christ as my Lover and reading His love-letters to me is an ever-increasing delight. I am beginning to, to recognize the little gifts He bestows upon me during the everyday matters of life. Do you see a gorgeous sunset out the window? Did you realize that that was your dozen red-roses from Jesus? Did you read a verse that delighted your heart? You might not have noticed, but Jesus was hugging you and telling you that you are beautiful.
All these things help my mind stay focused in the right place: On cultivating a relationship with Jesus that will last through whatever He has planned for me. I realized the sober need I have for a deep, joyful love for Christ when I was reading Jasmine Bauchum's Joyfully At Home:
"...Sometimes we literally cry. Tears stream down our faces as we mourn the state that we have been relegated to, because everyone knows that single girls are the castoffs, while the married women are the true prizes...And as I reflect on the attitudes that many young women have toward matrimony, I begin to worry about whether or not some of us are setting ourselves up for bitterness and disappointment the longer we must wait for marriage, not trusting in God's timing so much as gritting our teeth and bearing the single years as they pass by in a lonely blur. Something we would never want to consider would be the prospect that these 'single years' aren't just indefinite--they're perpetual. Some of us won't get married after all. What if that 'lonely blur' happens to be the life that God has called us to? Will we still trust him?"
Ouch! I don't know about you, but I am terribly guilty of the strain of thinking that we single girls are the cast-offs, we've been "relegated" to this position, and the married girls are the "true prizes". Untrue! And if I have to stand on the street corners yelling it, I will. It is an idea I still have a hard time thinking on. I don't want to consider the idea that I will never get married, and that I'll have "only" Jesus to love and hold me.
Only Jesus?!? Did I just watch myself type that out? And yet I'm afraid that is the attitude too many of us single young women are cultivating. I want to let Jesus guide my single years to be the best years of my life, if He wishes. I will live them fully, joyfully, and thoroughly. We all need to realize that this season of being a stay-at-home daughter, unencumbered by schoolwork and "too young-ness" is brief. We are young women on the threshold of adulthood, full of vitality and youth. Let us use these years for His glory. ~Rachel
