To The Girl Who Has Three Lives

Dear Girl Who Has Three Lives:
     (or more):
      I know how you feel.
There's the You who works in the coffee shop or the church office or goes to college or the You who stands in her first semester as a teacher with twenty kids who are calling her "Miss So-and-So" and expecting she'll actually teach them stuff about life. Or, if you're like me, there's the You who spends the majority of the week taking care of, playing with, and teaching two precious little girls whose boundless curiosity and ceaseless energy shows you what your Mom has been doing since the birth of your older brother (times four).
There's the You who comes home tired from that other You and wants peace and quiet and a harmonious family. But there is dinner to be made and chores to keep up with and the harmonious family has gone off-key for an hour or two and life is crazy. This was the first You, and is known so well that it fits like a groove, despite its eccentricities. This You has an amazing family that misses her and she misses them and the disjointedness of lives trying to click back together while spinning in hyper-speed--your days off coinciding with their days away--and it's tough to steal moments of normalcy. But this version of You craves those moments and sometimes wonders what it would be like to return to the time when it was the only You and there was time to hang up your clothes and bother to put the bobby-pins back in their dish and that stack of To-Be-Read books was actually diminishing at a discernable pace.
Then, of course, there's the You of dreams. There's the You who, while steaming that milk, folding those invoices, making those calls, or teaching those math lessons, keeps up a secret life behind the scenes of hopes and dreams and long-term goals. For me, that's my writing. A thousand words typed at an unholy hour because every sensible, conscionable minute of normal-people is taken up by those other two Mes. This You might be pursuing music, art, publication, photography, a business, or something else. This You is usually the one who falls, by default, into disrepair because it is the more quiet You. It is sometimes shy and always willing to bend to reality. Dreams can be pushed off, tabled, quietened. This You isn't really all that perishable and if you close down the Word document for three months, the repercussions aren't what they would be if you stopped showing up to work for the same period of time or shut off communication with those dearest to you.

For each of these Yous, You could justifiably devote a whole life, in theory. But theories bend to achievement and everyone realizes we can't claim seventy-two hours for a day in which to be all three. And yet, Girl, you are trying to be all three. I am trying to be all three. Is it wrong? Is it crazy? Should you give up the dreams or the job or the family?

No.

It's not wrong, it's only a little crazy, and you should definitely not give up your dreams, your family, and the job God has placed you in (unless He shows you otherwise). One life crammed into one's head is enough to make most people overwhelmed. But to those of use who are juggling three, how can we keep sane?

I've been thinking. I am barely home these days between one thing and another and weddings. On any given Saturday, my room is covered with cast off clothing that I was too tired to put away after coming home from a fifteen-hour day. My bobby-pins never make it into the dish. I wear jeans when the weather is eighty-five because I really couldn't spare the extra eight minutes to shave my legs and heaven forbid I get in the shower and find no shampoo because when you're showering at 6:30 a.m., there's no one awake to fetch it for you. So I've been giving more thought than usual to how the Three-Lived-Girl can keep sane and it comes down to Jim Eliot:

"Wherever you are, be all there."

When you're at work, be entirely at work. When you're at home, be entirely at home. When you're working on that painting, that story, that song, that product, be one-hundred-percent there in that moment. For me, that means shutting off my 3G data on my phone at work, leaving texts till a more convenient hour when I'm blogging or writing, or lesson-planning, and leaving my phone upstairs when I'm around the house. I love technology and social media has blessed me with a covey of friends I would otherwise have never met. But technology is deceptive in that it convinces you that things have to be done RIGHT NOW. And the girl already living three lives can't afford to have them bleed into one another. If I am trying to teach math concepts to a three year-old and answer a five year  old's questions about how Indians killed buffalo and answer a Facebook message about wedding plans and reply to a comment on a blog and to text the recipe I made up for fish tacos to the sister who is making dinner because I can't be home to help because I'm headed an hour into the city to go a bible-study and I'm trying to do it ALL AT ONCE, I will crumble. I don't know about you, but I can feel it crumble. I can feel my resolve weakening, my heart becoming downcast, and my soul overwhelmed. I decided to try Jim Eliot's theory out last week and give myself completely to the tasks at hand one at a time. What I found was a sense of joy in accomplishing that one task instead of angst over the twenty-seven others left to be done. Yes, there were still twenty-seven tasks, but one can meet a single foe on level ground far easier than being dog-piled by an entire company.

Wherever you are, Girl With Three Lives, be all there. In the mornings, give one hundred percent of your attention to Jesus and focus your eyes on Him from the start. At work, give full attention to the joy of building into the lives around you. When you're home, leave the virtual world connected to a charger and play a game of Scrabble or watch an old Disney film together. When you're pursuing dreams, friends, or long-cherished goals, give it your all.

That's how we keep all the balls in the air. Focus.

"Hi, I'm Single and I Have Blisters."

Most days I am quite content in the fact that it may be a longgggggggggg time till I get married. Mama always looks at me with mock severity and says, "You have no idea how quickly things can change." She's always right, but that doesn't mean I'm hedging any bets. I have a full life here without a fella. I mean, between work, my family, and my writing (yes, it is a thing that intentionally distracts me from self-pity) would I even have time for a relationship? Can't get much better than painting my toenails blue and watching Once Upon a Time with my sisters, can it?

This is my "Yayyyyy Daddddddd" face.

Not that I'd really know...

Some days it just kind of hits me. Know the sort? The fact that no man in my age-group has ever told me he thinks I'm something pretty awesome, that he wants to get to know me better, that I'm the person he looks for when he walks into a room, that I'm the girl he's been praying for. Whenever I have days like this, I'm hesitant to verbally recognize the yearning because I don't want to set off a stream of, "It's okay, you'll find a guy someday. Just wait patiently on the Lord. He is faithful."
Of course He's faithful. Of course I'll (probably) find a guy someday. But no one said that the boots aren't going to pinch now and then.

Yes, sometimes it gets annoying. Case in point: two more friends got engaged this week. I barely see my cousin anymore because he's got a girlfriend and a new job and chill-time doesn't happen. No conversation goes on at home without turning to someone's wedding plans. Sometimes the Love Bug victim-count seems like it's hacking up there with the Black Plague and I start wondering who slipped the Thieve's Oil into my pocket because honestly, they can have it back. I wouldn't mind catching that plague. If falling in love is sabotage, then I have a death-wish.

I've gotten to the point where I laugh on these days and message my equally-single best friend and together we compare notes about how fabulous we are. Chocolate is good too. I know this feeling of utter....futility isn't going to last. Handsome men will be toads from now till kingdom-come, tiny blondes will probably still rank top on the list of Quickly Married Women, and athletic, rugged, cowboy types will probably still want a wife who will go running (or barrel-racing) with him for the next forevermore. I'll still rumble along cheerily as ever, I'll enjoy my job, enjoy my family, and enjoy playing bridesmaid, florist, hairstylist, cake-decorator, and event coordinator for the friends who are getting married. I'll have adventures and love life and meet people and go to social functions and be me. That's how life is.

And it's good. But life can hurt and I guess what I'm here to say tonight is this: it's okay.

Girls: It's okay that there's an ache under your breastbone and an incapacity to look at another wedding picture in your Pinterest feed. It's okay that you feel like punching the handsome-acquaintance-who-drinks-and-smokes (as your just found out) across his perfect nose. It's okay that you feel like sitting down with a tub of gelato and eating it--all of it--with your best friend or a sister while wishing for a saved, sanctified Captain Hook. It's okay that you let fly a snide remark about the eighteenth saccharine Facebook post in a week from that happily almost-wedded couple. Besides--sugar isn't good for you.

Family: It's okay that we are having a rough day. It's not that we think we'll never get married. We don't think God has left us in the ditch. We don't think we're going to be spinsters, we don't intend to join a dating website ASAP, we don't intend to fall into deep depression, start wearing sweat pants constantly, and adopt another cat. We're very simply getting a blister from walking this far down the road of singleness. We know our lives are precious, that there is adventure around every bend, and that we are blessed.

So people, let's have grace. Grace with ourselves, our families, and each other. Grace for the God who is leading us on this road that can seem as empty as the Oklahoma sky. It sounds weird to say we need grace for God, because the only grace we have comes through Him. But part of owning grace is acting upon it, and believing with grace that what He says is true takes real courage and doesn't come easily, some days.

I'm single. Tonight it stinks. Tomorrow it'll be a blessing. That's how it goes with singleness as with every other topsy-turvy stage in life. I am so blessed that Jesus has the map to this weird road. I think I'd be tempted to look for a short-cut.

"What's the matter with the men?" - a musical venture

Because it is Valentine's Day and we are all single (and most of you are single) and because we love singing/lip-syncing/the Broadway version of Cinderella, we thought we'd give you a bit of a treat. Suppose we had a variety show: this might be on it...and it's the first take so do forgive us. ;) Hope it gives you a laugh!

Love,

Rachel & Sarah

Singleness According to Period Dramas

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. In case you're wondering, I don't feel morose at all. My first book is hitting the world tomorrow, I've got friends coming in town and a no-couples-party planned for Saturday night...there is dark chocolate in the world and life is always good. No, life isn't always good. God is good and He gives beauty to life and because of that, I'm not pining away. We have a rather funny little thing planned here tomorrow so you'll have to stay tuned. For now: humor! I thought I'd do a post featuring Period Dramas on How Being Single Isn't All That Bad. Get Ready? Get Set? GO!

Mi, mi, mi, mi, miiiiii:

1.
Married people tend to have too much stuff.

"Look, Mater, you can't expect to bring the whole Panjandrum!"

2.
Husbands expect to tell you what to do. 

"A husband would expect to tell her what to do and Emma won't like that, I can assure you."

3.
If married or romantically involved, you are much more likely to catch cold from being exposed to all sorts of inclement weather and/or cotton mills.

"What care I for a cold when there is such a man?" 

4.
As a single woman, you are much less likely to be coerced into squandering your fortune on your lover's hare-brained schemes.

 "They say he sold his soul to the devil. If he did, I don't know what he did with the money!"

5.
And, of course, you don't have the bother of a mother-in-law.

 "Five thousand a year!"

6.
And while unmarried, there are always more chances to meet dashing young men unexpectedly

"You'll just have to live here then. Bye-bye."

7.
And do we even want to mention the fact that while single, there are chances to nurse handsome people back to health and thereby gain their admiration?

"I think I'd like to be a nurse; isn't that a romantic profession? Smoothing fevered brows and then some handsome millionaire patient will fall madly in love with you..."

8.)

As a single woman, you are free to gad about and state your opinions freely, including the fact that you think botany is really quite boring.

"I don't share your opinion!"

9.

While single, you can still dream that--contrary to your own upbringing--you'll marry and end up with enough money to pay all expenses and have a bit left over for keeping a cook.

"Ever since I've come to live with the Boffins, I've been constantly avariciously scheming!"

10.

And, of course, is there really anything as satisfying as spying on and making fun of the couples in your life?

Yeah, didn't think so.

Happy Valentine's Day, Darlings!

I Know This is Crazy But....

At the wonderful, amazing insert-exuberant-adjective-here Transfer conference, we had lots of prayer time. Specific prayer for specific groups of people. Most times I found myself mainly outside the specified group of prayer-receivers, but then Ian McConnell took it into his head to say that he was led to pray for a group of people in the room who were longing to be in a relationship with someone. Those who were single and finding it a little difficult to content themselves with Jesus and Jesus only (quick note: how on EARTH can we not be content with that? Argh.), or those who were in a relationship they knew wasn't what God had for them, and were needing to make a decision. He asked us to identify ourselves by raising our hands so that the people near us could maybe even put their hands on us as we prayed.

There I was, running through my head all the new relationships forming in my groupies (including one of my stable-single-friends. :D) all the things God has been teaching me over the last year, and all the new inspiration He's been fueling me with. "Even so, I totally fit that former category." I didn't want to raise my hand and admit to all the world (i.e. the roomful of 400 Christians) that I struggled often with waiting on the Lord and satisfying myself with His love for me. I didn't want to admit that I could actually stand before Jesus, my Lover, and say that some days I found it hard to be content with only Him. But I knew I needed the prayer, and even if I was the single solitary person who raised her hand, I would do it or perish in the attempt.

I closed my eyes and raised my hand.

I opened my eyes, and a grin cracked across my face.

30 or 40% of the other people in that room had their hands raised, each of us with head bent, not wanting to be The One in the room who was admitting to trials with contentment. So many! The guy who looked like he could have any girl at the conference if he just smiled at her. The slender, tan, gorgeous girl with the flowing blonde hair. Me. The guy in front of me. A guy behind me.

And I felt in that moment such a surge of confidence in the newest Adventura God is leading me into. I haven't mentioned it here because I didn't want to announce something I wasn't sure of. But all the lessons I've received over the last months and year, all the conversations with multiple people in my season of life, even the topics touched upon at the Transfer Conference--all these things point with a strong finger to this:

I'm writing a Singles' Book.

Yeah, yeah come on, Rachel, you might be thinking. But here's the thing: This isn't going to be just any singles' book. It's not a 100 Easy Ways to Catch A Man. It's not a Push Through This Season, It's Gonna Be Okay.  The vision God has given me for this book is so much larger and different than that. It's not another Before You Meet Prince Charming, or a So Much More, or a Joyfully at Home, or a Preparing to be a Helpmeet. Those books all have their place, and have taught me quite a lot.

My book will be specifically for those of us who have graduated high school and/or college and find ourselves on the outside of the Wedded-Bliss crowd. It's for those of us who are apparently at least temporarily unable to catch the Love Bug and are not interested in sitting on our rockers waiting for love to come by. It's for those of us who want to live to the very hilt every single moment--not only of "this season" but every season in life. It's for those of us who are dead-tired of going places and meeting people and spending ridiculous amounts of time wondering if there will be anyone there who might fit The Bill.

It's going to be hilarious. It's going to recognize the difficulty of being "entirely unmarried" while we watch our childhood playmates standing at the altar and exchanging vows. It's going to be wild and whimsical (after all, I'm writing it with the input and help of my "crazy single friend" Katie), but most of all it's going to be a clarion call to a purposeful life. It's going to be written by a girl who is in the very throes of what it is to be a single girl with a sole purpose that is entirely contrary to everything the world is throwing at her. I don't have all the answers, but God does, and He's teaching them to me little by little, and this is not so much a How To Do It as it is a plea from one single girl to another to not waste our precious time. We were each placed here with a specific purpose to fulfill, and I'm only interested in discussing how we can fulfill our purpose every moment of every day, husband or not, Amen.

I'm telling you this, not to get praise for myself (goodness knows it's not going to be a New York Times Bestseller!), but to ask for prayer. I need so much prayer. Prayer that I would write what God wants me to write. Prayer that my heart would be gentle and suppliant, and that He will just pour the worship of His glory through my pen onto the paper. Prayer for stamina because I'm sure where there's been a dozen lessons already, God will teach me a dozen more. *smile* I've been planning and digging at the topics, and reading and listening and just living life. And that's what this book about except a great bit fat letter from me to You?

I am hoping to dig tooth and claw into the writing of this book in August, shortly after celebrating my 21st birthday on the 20th of July. :) When it is finished, I am planning to self-publish, though God might have other plans. I just feel like this is a book I am meant to write, to write quickly, and to get out into the world ASAP. We'll see. Hahaha. :)

I hope the rest of you see the irony of me writing a book about my Pet Struggle. But I do feel God is calling me to it, and He does delight to work through our very weakness. Please pray for me, and pray for Katie, and please comment with any particular questions/concerns/issues you'd like to see addressed in The Book! :)

Much, much love,
             Rachel

You might just be single if...

Today on the All The Single Ladies blog party, Meghan challenged us to do either a post with our favorite Pinterest "single" pins, or an amusing story that highlights the season of life we're in. Since this last year has been a really hilarious one in many ways, I have several anecdotes that you might find amusing to hear.

First of all, the topic of Ring-Checks.

Come on now--you know you do it. You see a person and you check their left-hand to see if they're taken. It's not as weird as it sounds when you realize that it's me saying this. And I'm always analyzing everything about everyone, so it's not as if I am husband-hunting my entire life. I just notice things. Including whether that rather attractive fellow across the food-court is wearing a gold band signifying NO VACANCY. ;)
(And for heaven's sake, if you're still taking me seriously at this point, please unbutton your shirt collar and realize that I'm being crazy and single here with a large dose of sarcasm on the side, so please take it all with several grains of salt. Sea-salt preferably, unless you're Jewish in which case it'd have to be Kosher salt. Which is very good on pretzels. Which I can't eat right now.)
Anyway, my sisters always teased me about my ring-checking propensities (I'm sorry! I can't help it!) until the day I finally realized I'm not the only person that does this. I was at a political function last summer with my brother, and we arrived late. Mind you, it was just the two of us attending, and we squeezed in next to these two men who were probably about 30 years old and the sort of Political Fellows who never have dates and have absolutely no lives but the current race. Well, these two chaps started casting glances in my direction, and whispering among themselves while the delegate at the microphone droned on and on. They'd sweep a glance over me and Daniel and whisper to each other, then look at us again and keep whispering. Feeling a little self-conscious, I tried to ignore them, but happened to look over just as the one with the impossibly blue eyes and the bald-spot fastened his gaze on my left hand, then turned to his friend with a confirming shake of his head. I was not taken.
Imagine my relief, then, when the two were called to leave before the speakers were finished and they had a chance to talk to me. O.o

Second thing that confirms my status as Single is this:

From my earliest girlhood I've made a practice of sending Valentines to all my friends. I mean, none of us grew up in homes with a dating mentality, so we weren't the girls who had a different "significant other" from the age of 12. Therefore, any Valentines fun we were to have we were forced to make for ourselves. Chocolate, cards, everything passed from their hands to mine and vice-versa. This year I sat down to make out my list of who I was sending Valentines too and I stared at the blank sheet.

And stared...

...and stared...

....and stared...

It took me several moments to get two people who were still single that I knew. TWO! When last year I practically hadn't time enough to make the Valentines for all my friends who were with me. Let's give us a nice word picture:

Last year we were Noah's ark about to sink with ze zingle ladiez. This year we might blow away in a kayak. 

No problem with that. It just means that those of you who will get a Valentine from me this year? You're special. You're part of a remnant. We're like...like the people in Red Dawn. Or in The Return of The King. "THERE MAY COME A DAY WHEN OUR COURAGE FAILS! BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY!!!!!"

Number Three would be the fact that I shun Walmart this time of year:

I seriously do. I walk through Walmart and see all the cellophane and chocolate and red roses and I think, "If this is what love looks like, who wants it anyway?" I mean chocolate is awesome. I'm not a fan of red-roses, but the whole end caps and end caps and end caps of cheap stuff and I think....

Really? Really? 

And then I know that I would flip out if anyone bought me chocolate or red roses and then I think, "You're being cynical. Did you know that? You are. You totally are." And then I feel like buying myself chocolate since no one else is going to do it. And I end up buying dark chocolate and salted caramel. (Sea salted caramel--back to the  grains of salt!)

Number Four item that gives a nod to the fact that I'm single is:

My sense of irony. See, all those friends who have found a Someone over the last year and who didn't need my Valentines? They asked me to still make them one. I have a feeling they are feeling a little bit of remorse over leaving their single years behind forever an' always. So my list of Valentines To Be Made is actually a little longer this year than it was last. If that's not ironic, I don't know what is. So I amused myself by writing very very very saucy ditties in their cards (JUST YOU WAIT!) and made myself laugh with devilish glee as I sealed the envelopes. The cards for my Matched friends are awesome. But the cards for my single friends? Wait till they see them. You'll hear howls of laughter from here to Pittsburgh.

Haha. Oh my goodness. I have made myself laugh, and I hope I've made you laugh, and I also hope that you are enjoying this blog party as much as I am! I want you to realize that this week I am totally having fun with my "single state". I don't always think this wryly of this season, and you know I am a deeper person than some of these posts might seem. But sometimes I really think it's great toooooo:

"Let your hair down, hair down,

Get you some of this laid-on back!

Kick your shoes off, kick 'em off,

Get you some of this slow down fast..."

I will leave you now with a few of my personal favorites from Pinterest. Enjoy!

Crashing the Pity Party

    Following a wonderful post by Miss Raquel, {yes, I was clever enough to link to the post} I was thinking about Love. What a capricious word "Love" is in our English language. By "love" we English mean anything from Nutella to babies to period dramas, to Sherlock, to Thor, to our guy and our God. We are quick to say the word--indeed, "Love" is probably one of the top words in English vocabulary simply because it has so many definitions.

    As single girls and women we long for the day we will be loved by a good man, and most of the time we are content with God's love for now. Yep. That's the problem. Those two little words tacked onto the end of the sentence. "For Now." Don't lie--you know as well as I do that those two words chase after your thoughts like hounds after a hare.
    I am as guilty as the next woman of viewing this single life as an in-between-time. I seem to view these years when I am unmarried as a "waiting period" as if: "Oh, the Lord's love is good enough for me now until He decides to bring my man along and then...then it'll be over and we'll all run along merry as the day is long."

     But therein lies the whole problem. I've been reading C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters and came across a very intriguing bit of correspondence between Screwtape and his nephew:

“You must therefore zealously guard in his mind the curious assumption 'My time is my own'. Let him have the feeling that he starts each day as the lawful possessor of twenty-four hours. Let him feel as a grievous tax that portion of this property which he has to make over to him employers, and as a generous donation that further portion which h allows to religious duties. But what he must never be permitted to doubt is that the total from which these deductions have been made was, in some mysterious sense, his own personal birthright.” 

     I had to feel convicted over that quote. I, like many others, seem to view my time as my own. I assume that my life as a single woman will come to an end someday, and in the meantime I look forward to that end with great expectation. What none of us take into account is that we don't know which part of the future we will have.

     What  if this "season" is one God has called us to for the rest of our lives? What if we aren't to be married or--and I am not being morbid, just philosophizing--what if we aren't to live as long as we expect? Do you really want to live life as a single woman with your eyes fixed on the horizon, never seeing all the gifts strewn around your feet?

     The thing is, Jesus isn't interested in convincing us to wait. What He wants is for us to fall so completely, unutterably, wholly in love with Him that we don't count moments and hours and days and weeks and months and years. He wants us to be consumed with a passionate love for Him that outer circumstances don't affect our willingness to be His. Yes, even marriage. Because for all the "Love" that we might share with a godly man someday, it won't last. The warm fuzzies will fade. You will discover he's a man after all, and even Mr. Knightley sometimes props his boots in the middle of the good china. Marriage is simply another step of life. A precious one, yes, but no more important in the eternal scheme of things than any other event you experience.

    Sometimes I think I'm guilty of using my love for Jesus {or His love for me} as an antidote. "I love Jesus--I really do. And I'm loving Him so much today that I don't feel anxious to be married at all!" Such a love can hardly be deemed a whole-hearted, selfless, tender affection and devotion to a person. It smacks singularly of selfishness. "I love you till" or "I love you because"--not a bit of that profound way Jesus loves us:

"I love you."

    No reason, no conditions, no expiration date. He loves us simply because that was His choice. And in return we learn to love Him. (1 John 4:19)

     So this is not another post on How To Wait. It's not even a post on Waiting Is Hard. {which sometimes runs closer to my frame of mind} I really want you to understand that. I've written and you've read plenty of posts about Theory. I'm asking for some Practice. Some determination to crash our pity-parties and get going with this beautiful life God has given us. How it must sadden Him and make Him shake His head to see us entirely missing the point of Life.
Life isn't an endurance test!
     It's a privilege. We can't just sit here tolerating singleness as if it was a dry, bony desert we couldn't wait to get to the end of. I'm not writing a Guide Book To The Piteous Desert.
     Instead what the purport of this post is, is a challenge to each of us to build a vibrant, sweet, lasting relationship with Jesus. A relationship that begins today and extends to death and beyond. A relationship that will still be the source of your joy, your contentment, and your peace when {and if} you are married, when the children come, when the children leave, when you're retired, and when you're eighty years old, toothless, and mental to boot. A relationship that is based on His ideas of love--not your idea of an antivenin. Because really...when all's said and done and Jesus is in the equation, who gives a wimpy hairpin if you've got a man?

"Waits" and Measures ;)

"Trust in the Lord, and do good;

Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

Delight yourself also in the Lord,

And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord,

Trust also in Him,

And He shall bring it to pass.

He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,

And your justice as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him..."

~Psalm 37: 3-7 

I love these verses. They have the soothing effect on me that so many of the Psalms have. I love many many passages of the Bible, but the Psalms are to me some of the most inspiring. David (and the other psalmists) had every human emotion under the sun. They fretted, worried, sinned, fought, despaired, and yet there is always that element of a Psalm that is victorious. A waiting upon the Lord that prevails. They minister to my very soul in the moments when I am most tempted to take things into my own hands.

We single girls often take verse 4 to mean that the Lord will give us everything we desire--a husband, a home, a family of our own. And for many of us that will be a blessed reality. It is a beautiful promise that the Lord cares about the dreams of our heart. But there is an even greater assurance to be found in that verse. Have you ever looked at one of those optical-illusion pictures? You look at it one way and see an old man--you blink and suddenly you see a Spanish guitarist singing to a pretty senorita. Scripture is often that way for me--I read a verse I've read a dozen times and the Lord brings a new perspective out of the flat page and suddenly He is speaking to me. The Word is alive, isn't it? :)

"Delight yourself also in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart." A while back I started to notice something intriguing and exciting about this verse. As we delight in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our heart. He will hand us desires and plant in us desires and as we delight in Him our hearts will conform to His image until our deepest desires are His desires.

That is what I noticed about this verse. I have a deep-rooted, deep-seated desire to be married and raise a family one day. I have told you before that in my own human, Emma-Woodhouse-ian mind I cannot see how on earth God will bring a husband to me. I don 't doubt His ability, but I do think it'll take a mountain of a miracle to bring us together. "All things conspire against the idea!" I might moan. ;) But God is entirely able--I know that much. :) For now I keep sacrificing that desire of marriage, praying fervently that if that desire is not part of His plan, that He will replace it with dreams of His own plans. And I know He will do that.

So let's continue on, desiring nothing but what He desires. And I'll let you know if that mountain of a miracle starts happening. ;)

Wherever I wander, wherever I roam..

Well girls, here I am, about to embark on a long, arduous, dangerous journey. Not really--I am going to a single young ladies' retreat in North Carolina. Though with Abigail driving up the steep mountainside it could be very very interesting. ;) I am excited about the trip!

Mama and I went out to a few thrift-stores yesterday and the Lord blessed our efforts immensely. I will wait and show you some of the things on a Feminine Fashion day. Since our computer can't accept a single more picture I mightn't be able to host a whole Feminine Fashion week, but we shall see! :)
Don't you just love thrift-stores? Except for the fact that the stores are growing wise to the fact that they are now "trendy" and thus raising their prices, they are such a great deal! Not only can you get nice brand-name clothing, but you can also get vintage items! I found the cutest little pink hat with netting at the store, but it looked easy enough that I thought I could make one easily myself. :)

In other news, I've joined Pinterest after lurking around for ages on end. :) You can find me here: http://pinterest.com/rachelscribbler/. I am loving it and finding it just as addicting as everyone says....ahem. :D Well, I hope you have a lovely lovely week and I shall see you early next week! :)

“The whole object of travel is not to set foot on foreign land; it is at last to set foot on one’s own country as a foreign land.” – G. K. Chesterton

Joy--do you dare?

"But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel, so that it has become evident to the whole palace guard, and to all the rest, that my chains are in Christ; an most of the brethren in the Lord, having become confident by my chains, are much more bold to speak the word without fear." Philippians 1:12-14

Dad preached on this first chapter of Philippians in church on Sunday. My mind--which has a fearful habit of wandering--fixed upon these verses and stayed there while the rest of the universe whirled on. I am afraid I was not even thinking very hard upon the rest of the chapter, for I had my share of the sermon in these two verses.

I began thinking of Paul. He was thrown into prison, beaten, mocked, etc. and yet his attitude in these verses is not:

 "Poor me--look at what you might have to suffer for Christ!" 

= But =

"This is awesome! I want you to know that this is the epitome of my ministry! This is why I follow Christ."

Soon that thought was followed by another. How effective would Paul's ministry have been if, instead of this outlook, Paul had sulked? The letter to the Philippians might not have even been written if Paul decided to "have a reality check" and dwell in how he perceived the situation. In a way, the effectiveness of Paul's ministry depended upon his attitude. It was indeed Paul who said "To live is Christ, to die is gain," and yet I think too often martyrs of the faith have a "See me and be filled with holy dread" aura about them. Paul was cheerful in his chains. And because of that his ministry was far greater than he could have imagined!

To apply this to my own life, I thought back on last year--it was a difficult year, full of the strain and stress of starting up a naturally-grown produce farm/flowers/bakery. I'm not saying it wasn't a good year, but it was certainly a trial. And I am ashamed (and yet want to be truthful) to admit that I sulked. I sulked nearly all year. Not outwardly [most of the time] but in my heart of hearts I was being an ox--a beast that did not like what was going on and did not want to be in an uncomfortable spot and could not wait till it was all over. It was not just me that realized it was hard...in the past months when friends have asked if we are doing the same thing again this year, their questions have been tempered with remarks such as:

"Yeah...it sounded pretty stressful."

"Yes, I could tell it was a hard year for all of you."

Eeesh. Was it that obvious? Oh dear. I learned a lot and grew a lot over the year, and by the autumn my attitude was changing. But as we read these verses in church on Sunday, I couldn't help but wonder how much more I could have learned and how much more ministry I could have had if I had had a cheerful, submissive heart over it all. Paul's reaction to imprisonment was an inspiration to me--having a cheerful heart and playing Pollyanna are all very good things to talk about in theory, but when the nitty-gritty moments come, are we letting Jesus have his way with us? Are we accepting it all with joyful hearts, truly knowing that something beautiful will rise out of the ashes of the situation?

This skill can be applied to so many areas of life. I think of Sarah Mally, author of Before You Meet Prince Charming. (A fabulous book for younger teen girls)

Sarah, Stephen, and Grace Mally)

She is 30 years old and still unmarried, yet because Sarah has been faithful to the Lord during her single years and has lived them joyfully and fully, she has become a role-model for hundreds of young women across the nation and around the world. If Sarah had decided to bemoan her lot and sit with her hands folded until a guy came and swept her off her feet, I can imagine she'd be a bitter, lonely old maid. But the term "old-maid" could no more be applied to Sarah Mally than it could be applied to a mother with a dozen children. Being an "old-maid" is a state of the heart--not the circumstance. But I digress.

In short, I was just struck by the idea that the effectiveness of our ministry is, in some measure, inversely proportional to our attitude through-out the trial. What are your thoughts on it? :)

Alone...or Not?

As Valentine's Day approaches it can be tempting for me to start despairing (even tongue-in-cheek) about my lot as a single young lady. It is tempting to start betiding woe to my sisters: "This is so depressing--there's not a single guy I could marry even if he'd want me!" After all, nearly the only eligible guys I know are my brother and cousin... :P
I don't know about you girls, but my bouts of wistfulness in the marriage area jump me. They never creep up. I will be entirely content and all gung-ho for living the rest of my life in a nunnery if that would be what it takes, and then the next moment I will be seized with an overwhelming ache for a Someone of my own. I've told you I'm a romantic sort....

I'm sort of/kind of/really guilty of standing outside on more than one occasion and singing "Goodnight my Someone" when no one is listening. Ahem.

So what on earth do I do with these random/sporadic/vivid bouts of love and longing? Well, I'm not sure what your particular situation is, but I've told you mine. I have been spared many of what I'm sure would have been opportunities to get my heart entangled by the sheer lack of men in my circles. However, this brings up a different struggle--I am deeply in love with a Nobody. Seriously. I pray for my husband a lot and I can truly say this has caused me to love him...which is dumb because I do not have the slightest idea who he could be.

So back to the question. What on earth can a girl do with these moments?

I've been in this stage for the past couple of days...I think it was triggered by my watching Little Dorrit. For those of you who have not seen it, the hero is Arthur Clennam, and he's a man after my own heart. Contrary to what you find in most heroes (even our beloved Mr. Darcy) Mr. Clennam is not handsome. He's not particularly charming or witty, even. But he's good. He is so good. Learn his story and your heart will be forever melted....I think what gets me is that his character is such that he is very real. I actually feel that there is hope that I will meet a man like him one day.
I had forgotten how much I love him and then it all came flooding back. Note to Self: Never watch Little Dorrit when your heart is anything but perfectly staid and sober. But back to the point of this post. I was washing dishes and I suddenly knew what I needed to do. I needed to take a walk and talk to the Lover of my Soul. I finished up my chores, zipped up my coat and headed outside, and once I was quite sure that no one was listening, I started to pray aloud.
I told Jesus everything--from my wistfulness to my wish that Mr. Clennam was real to my wonderings about where my Someone will come from. And He listened. I know He did. And as I talked with Him in as conversational a way as I talk to my friends, the wistfulness slipped away, the longing quieted, the pain dulled, and I knew that He loved me. What do I look for in a husband? Someone to whom I am important. Someone who looks for me first thing when he walks in the door. Someone to whom one of my smiles would brighten his whole day. Someone, in short, who is mad about me.
And as I told all this to Jesus, He smiled at me. "Don't you see that One is Me?" He asked. "I'm crazy about you. If you had been the only on the face of the entire earth I would have died for you. Just for you, Rachel. I didn't come to die for all mankind. I came to die for one Rachel Heffington."
And suddenly, in that one moment, everything was set right. I don't have a man of my own. I will spend Valentine's day receiving sticky, over-loaded, precious cards from my siblings. There are no Secret Admirers for me, and I won't be getting any boxes of chocolates with a sweet card...but none of those things really matter because I have learned again just how much my Lover cares for me.

Marriage...an idol?

Marriage is a beautiful thing, and one I have dreamed of since I was a tiny girl. Come to think of it, I believe nearly every dream I've had since my girlhood has been wrapped up in a man of my own, a family of my own, a house of my own...living in a large family encouraged such thinking, as my heroes, my examples, my life was made of such stuff.

But let's be candid, girls. Sometimes our dreams do not reflect the Lord's plan. As a "fortune cookie" my brother got the other day said, (Gracious me, we know not to depend on those!) "The only thing we can know for sure about future developments is that they will develop." (Truism, anyone? :P) And as a Christian, we have the assurance that those plans are made for our good. (Rom. 8:28) It is tempting to think we know more about our own hearts than Christ does. It is tempting to think we ought to "help" Christ orchestrate the plans because after all, we could never tread that path--He must be confused.
Girls, girls. We must learn to give our idols up. Even the idols unconsciously made. For me, for a long time, that has been marriage. Not that I have worshiped the idea, or even made overmuch of it. But I have feared and dreaded and balked against the idea of being what people have termed "An old maid."
I am reluctant to admit it to the world, but hitherto my thinking has been more along these lines:

"And if I am called to be single my entire life [God forbid!] then I'll do such-and-such." 

Living my entire life without marrying? Just sitting here for 80 years with no change in my daily habits? Sheesh! Not me, Lord. You must have another plan for me! I don't think I have the gift of Singleness.

 But lately my precious Savior has been showing me otherwise. He has not told me that I will never be married--for all I know I could be a wife within a year or two! But He has shown me that He is enough. I cannot live these days as a single young lady waiting for a husband. I could very well never be married--I don't know God's plan. So what good could it do me to sulk for ten years until I turn 30, resign myself to the idea of never being married, and finally get my act together?
No. If being a single woman all my life is what the Lord calls me to, I want every day from now to 30 and from 30 to 100 to be full and vibrant and joyful. I want to pursue things I am interested in, honing my skills and talents to be used for His glory. I want to be an inspiration to my sisters, I want to help my family and friends.

I want to go places and do things and live a full life.

If that includes marriage and my own family, praise the Lord! If not? I don't wish to be a dusty parlor-decoration...a proverbial bowl of potpourri dry-rotting in a corner while making sweet smiles and sighs over dried up, youthful dreams.
I have gained much encouragement from the biography of Amy Carmichael that Elisabeth Elliot wrote: A Chance to Die. (The best of both worlds, anyone? ;) Amy Carmichael is one of the most beloved women of all time, lived to a ripe old age, had a huge family in India, and yet never ever married. She was an amazing woman of Jesus--charming and vibrant, lively and merry....real.

I look at her example and I think, "Would I have the courage?" and then Jesus puts a gentle hand on my shoulder and whispers, "You don't need courage--all you need is Me."
And really, girls, that's the whole of it. We don't need courage. We need Christ. I am confident that the same Lord that keeps me today, that blesses me, prospers me, and holds me will be the same Lord that will keep me in whatever path He has prepared. That is all I need, and that is all that matters. We have Jesus, and "the fullness of Him who fills all in all," as Ephesians 1 says.

"All the paths of the Lord are loving and faithful" Psalm 25:10 I have pondered this verse lately, and have found that it feeds my spirit. All does not mean "all - except the paths I am walking in now," or "nearly all - except this especially difficult and painful path." All must mean all. So, your path with its unexplained sorrow or turmoil, and mine with its sharp flints and briers - and both our paths, with their unexplained perplexity, their sheer mystery - they are His paths, on which he will show himself loving and faithful. Nothing else; nothing less"

~Amy Carmichael

Man Cannot Live on Daydreams Alone...

I have already confessed that I am a Romantic. Entirely. I like nothing better than to hear a good love-story, or watch a BBC period-drama. My favorite dreams are those in which I get married. I've always been that way, and I assume I always will.
My greatest desire (second to living for Christ) is to be a wife and mother. A wife to a man who will undoubtedly have his fault and foibles, but to whom I will be a help-meet and encourager, a companion and the love of his life. A mother to a host of children who will go out and do Kingdom Work. Our home will be a castle and I'll be queen.
It's a fond wish of mine, and I admit, at times, to spending too much time daydreaming about it. But since I graduated the Lord has been convicting me of a certain area we single daughters too often overlook. And it is this:

It's okay to have a life. It's good to have a life.

Now let me explain. In the words of an older woman I was talking to about this topic:

"The godly men are looking for a woman who is living a joyful, vibrant life. They don't want the girls sitting around waiting for a man to complete them. They want to marry a whole woman who is living life to the fullest, not a mousy day-dreamer who mopes through all her single days."

And you know, it's true? Think about it from a guy's perspective. What sort of woman will be the better help-meet? The girl who sat knitting and sighing over the thought of one day being a help-meet, or the girl who was gaining new skills, meeting the needs of those around her, helping out in any way she could until her man arrived?
Who does he want? A girl who can't exist in any productive and profitable way without his constant attention and affirmation, or a girl who knows the nitty-gritty and is content to aid her husband's plans and dreams even when he temporarily forgets her need for tenderness and loving attention?
That's a skill that we single daughters have plenty of opportunity to learn. We can practice and train to be joyful, vibrant women with full lives in this season when we don't have our man here to love us. This is prime time to grow in our walks with the Lord and learn to rely on Him and only Him for our contentment and unwavering love. Let's not waste these precious years, girls. If we can learn how to live now, we will be a double-blessing to our husbands in that Someday. Cherish your dreams, and don't cast romance aside entirely...I know I don't. :) But truly girls, I think we could all do with a little less daydreaming and a little more living. After all, we don't want to be the woman who, in her old age, looks back to her youth and sees a life of empty yesterdays. This season is the only one like it in life. Let's not spend them playing Fancy's Fool. Let's live life to the hilt, and trust in the Lord to bring us our man in His timing.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.   

God tells us to delight in Him and He will give us the desires of our hearts. He was the One who put them there, and He'll follow through. As my dear friend, Abigail said, "God doesn't give us empty desires." :)
  In closing I wanted to share a quote that I found in a very unlikely place, (The Civil War Diary of Sarah Morgan) but that has been such a comfort to me in the Hard To Wait times:

"If I am to marry, some blessed man is destined for me. He may be at my elbow, or at the antipodes. It matters not for go where I will, do what I will, sooner or later, at the time appointed by Heaven, we will meet, and nothing will prevent it."
   ~Sarah Morgan

Have a blessed day, dear friends! ~Rach

The Chosen Ones?

I am a romantic. I admit it freely, because I've found I can't avoid people finding out, no matter what I do. ;) I am prone to staring dreamy-eyed out windows, or smiling softly about nothing in particular while someone is trying to talk to me. I love all the Jane Austen, Dickens, and Elizabeth Gaskell period-dramas.(And yes, I did get a secret little thrill over the fact that this blog's acronym is almost BBC! :D)

Like most young women I love to dream of the day I will be married to a godly, noble, amazing man. But as we all know, it can be hard to wait for him. I know it is hard for girls who look out on their acquaintance and think, "Wow, I'd like to marry him but why doesn't he just get his act together?", but in some ways it is harder for girls like me who think, "Um....hello? Anybody in there? Oh, just you? Another girl? Where are all the guys?"

Because I will be quite frank with you. I hardly know any young men of marriageable age. I can count three that I have actually spoken to in the past several years. And pretty much the ones I do know, I am related to. Seriously, that is the state of affairs in Rachel-dom. A dire case? One might think so. At least you girls who know people have a chance! Or so my mind tends to run.

The Lord and I have conversations on this topic fairly often. They tend to run like so:

God: "Rachel, are you pouting?"
Me: "Um...You might call it that, God....yes. I am. I'm sorry!" (I'm quick to apologize. :P)
God: "Don't you believe that I have your story all written out?"
Me: "Yes, I do, Lord. You know I do...but how in tarnation will I get married?  I don't know anyone!"
God: "I know everyone--and I know your story."
Me: "I know you do. Thank You for that. But....Father, couldn't you give me a glimpse of him? Couldn't I meet him, even if I won't get married anytime soon, just so I could know he was around?"
God: "Would that be the best thing for you and your romantic mind? Come now...would it?"
Me: "I suppose not. I'm sorry." (There it is again! :D)
God: "You would be even more distracted knowing he was around than you are now. I want your mind to be focused on Me. I must be your True Love, you know. I am with-holding him for now to protect you."
Me: "Yes, Lord. You know best."
God: "I do. Thank you for recognizing that." ;)

And so we progress. :) Jesus is such a comfort to me, for He has been teaching me that my first love must be Himself, and before I have learnt this lesson, a husband would be more of a danger then a blessing, for after the first few weeks of marriage I would realize was was married to a man. Does he have skin? Yes? Then he's human, and a sinner. Thinking of Christ as my Lover and reading His love-letters to me is an ever-increasing delight. I am beginning to, to recognize the little gifts He bestows upon me during the everyday matters of life. Do you see a gorgeous sunset out the window? Did you realize that that was your dozen red-roses from Jesus? Did you read a verse that delighted your heart? You might not have noticed, but Jesus was hugging you and telling you that you are beautiful.

All these things help my mind stay focused in the right place: On cultivating a relationship with Jesus that will last through whatever He has planned for me. I realized the sober need I have for a deep, joyful love for Christ when I was reading Jasmine Bauchum's Joyfully At Home:

"...Sometimes we literally cry. Tears stream down our faces as we mourn the state that we have been relegated to, because everyone knows that single girls are the castoffs, while the married women are the true prizes...And as I reflect on the attitudes that many young women have toward matrimony, I begin to worry about whether or not some of us are setting ourselves up for bitterness and disappointment the longer we must wait for marriage, not trusting in God's timing so much as gritting our teeth and bearing the single years as they pass by in a lonely blur. Something we would never want to consider would  be the prospect that these 'single years' aren't just indefinite--they're perpetual. Some of us won't get married after all. What if that 'lonely blur' happens to be the life that God has called us to? Will we still trust him?"

Ouch! I don't know about you, but I am terribly guilty of the strain of thinking that we single girls are the cast-offs, we've been "relegated" to this position, and the married girls are the "true prizes". Untrue! And if I have to stand on the street corners yelling it, I will. It is an idea I still have a hard time thinking on. I don't want to consider the idea that I will never get married, and that I'll have "only" Jesus to love and hold me. 

Only Jesus?!? Did I just watch myself type that out? And yet I'm afraid that is the attitude too many of us single young women are cultivating. I want to let Jesus guide my single years to be the best years of my life, if He wishes. I will live them fully, joyfully, and thoroughly. We all need to realize that this season of being a stay-at-home daughter, unencumbered by schoolwork and "too young-ness" is brief. We are young women on the threshold of adulthood, full of vitality and youth. Let us use these years for His glory.   ~Rachel