Koinonia: A Crazy Blessing

Throwback to the last night in Romania

I had meant to write that post about Orthodoxy and The Mind of the Maker like I said, but tonight something else came across my path and, being the little fox I am, I took a detour for a bit. This post was inspired by a post by my friend, Brittany Barden, on The Ivory Cubicle. Her article is excellent for many reasons, (a testimony of her recent mission's trip to Uganda--you should read it), but there was one section that tapped me on the shoulder with a "prickle of recognition". She mentions that she left America prepared to be changed, convicted, and challenged, but said that she did not expect the experience to feel so normal.

I didn't expect to sit in a mud hut, hearing that young boys and old grandmothers are the same the world over. I didn't expect selfies to be a thing with little African kids intrigued by my iPhone. I didn't expect to hear normal conversations about meeting friends for coffee, movie nights with neighbors, or a crisis pregnancy center on the other side of town.

This next bit was what really struck me:

My expected--even desired--lesson of better stewardship to result in greater giving flew out the window of that crowded van as God gently lectured me.

"These people do not need YOU or your money. They already have ALL that they need for life and godliness because they have Me. And before you can help them, you must first realize how much they have to teach you."

This is exactly how I felt when I went to Romania. I didn't expect to find people there who were exactly like people here. I didn't really think I'd be the one who felt given-to. When I came home from Romania and would talk online to the friends I made there, there was this funny give-and-take:

"You challenged us so much!" we would say.
"No, you challenged us!" they'd reply.

 It's a constant thing within my church-fellowship and among other believers that we're always deferring to the other person. That's a biblical trait, yes, but we take it too far. I can be guilty of discounting the effect I have on other people, telling them (in essence), "Oh, you certainly can't be feeling blessed and exhorted by me because you're the one teaching me stuff. I haven't done a gosh darned thing."
 Though my intentions are right (trying to be humble), I can sometimes actually begin to rob the blessing of being used by God by telling the friend that I didn't mean to bless them. We want to put others before us but we are also called to be aware of our ministry.

Maybe my Romanian friends and I were correct. Maybe the Ugandians and Brittany are both right. Maybe this is the principle on which the secret joy of Christian fellowship hangs. Too often in my life I have discounted the great strength which is to be found in fellowship with other believers. I mean, think about it; the word "fellowship" holds about as much meaning for us these days as terms like "get-together", "hanging out", "getting to know that seriously attractive person in a group setting" and "OH GOSH, SHE JUST ASKED ME ON CAMERA WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THIS CHRISTIAN CAMP." But what does "fellowship" really mean?

The term "fellowship" when used in the New Testament comes from the Greek word "koinonia". I remember when I was little we attended a church where they had a time before the service that we were always too late to attend; it remained rather shrouded in mystery and eclat for that reason. They called it "koinonia" and in my young mind, the word held associations of being successful (early enough for once!), getting Amish friendship bread, and something about cornucopias. (Don't ask me why about the last one.)
But back to koinonia. The word itself has roots meaning "joint participation". It comes from a family of words among which are meanings such as "the willingness to fellowship" and "partnering".

Koinonia...fellowship. Willingness to be a part of something. Willingness to be used in a partnership of mutual blessing. I think what Brittany felt in Uganda and what I felt in Romania 9 months ago and in my home just this afternoon...that humbled sense of unconsciously ministering and consciously receiving ministry...I think that's the real definition of fellowship. Perhaps we are more susceptible to realizing the beauty and importance of koinonia while away from our normal surroundings, surrounded by a peaceably foreign normalcy. The need for the richness of our sisters and brothers in Christ does not leave us when we board a flight back to America. It doesn't leave us when we've almost forgotten the heart-rending pain of having to leave that vivid willingness to fellowship we experienced while abroad, nor does it abate when we have begun to wonder if it was quite so beautiful as we remember it after all.
The hunger might be staved off, the pain might be dulled, and we might be like the dwarves in The Last Battle who convinced themselves their mired stall was a gilded hall. But we taste the koinonia sometimes when we least expect it, even here at home when our minds and hearts are dulled by the old normal,  and that is what makes one feel like crying in the last scene of The Return of the King when the fellowship is breaking up: they were a family of fools, gone through fire together, holding onto the light unflinchingly. They did life together. They had each others' backs. When one was weak, the other was strong. Sometimes they were all weak and in those moments someone would at last manage a grim smile and mention something about what they were doing on this Quest anyway, and they straggled onward and upward in the homely comfort of knowing they were in the company of those fighting for and against the same things.

A willingness to fellowship. Koinonia.

So next time you feel that odd sense of having gone somewhere to be a blessing and achieved nothing but having gathered blessing for yourself, don't freak out that you've somehow missed the ministry you hoped to have. Chances are, God has used you in a gracious display of koinonia. Chances are, the people you have gone to were ready for your message and you were ready for theirs. This is always our Father's way; just when we think there's a limited quantity of blessing, He grins and dumps something like honest to goodness fellowship in our laps in that insanely generous way of His.

The Partnership of Mutual Blessing...Just think how awesome Heaven's going to be.

amazing courtship article

Hey girls! I read this awesome article on Young Ladies Christian Fellowship and thought I'd share it with you all. It's called "Courtship: Dispelling the Myths."
In my own experience with seeing courtships among my friends and acquaintances I have seen many of these myths in play and it has hurt me to see so many people hurt in these ways. I pray that this article blessings you as much as it did me! :) Here's a sneak peek (click the links to read the rest of this insightful, wise post.):

I’d like to state right here, for the record, that there is no such thing as a “failed courtship”. A courtship that doesn’t end in marriage is not a failure. It is a myth that “courtship should always end with a couple becoming engaged”. Because courtship isn’t a commitment, it’s an acknowledgement. Or, at least, that’s the way it should be.

Boy Meets Girl...my thoughts.

I have been thinking recently on a topic that we conservative, Christian young women tend to shun. The topic of being friends with boys. My sister, Sarah, was recently given a copy of It's (Not That) Complicated by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin, and from what I've clandestinely peeped at, it's a hard-hitter on this topic. It's about time it was addressed! :D

First off let me make two points:

• I believe young ladies can be friends with young men.
• I believe its important to be friends with guys.

Now for the clarification points. When I say friends with boys, I do not mean that sickly, shallow:

"Oh yeah--Caleb and I are like best friends forever!!! <3 <3 <3"

 No chance! :D What I mean is friendship in its purest sense--two people who help each other onward and upward, who have kind, self-less intentions, who converse easily and pleasantly with one another, are interested in similar things, etc. I don't necessarily mean buddy-buddy with guys, but you can be friends with them. Relax.
Why do I say that? Because believe it or not, we actually have duties toward them as sisters in Christ. We are to encourage, edify, and uplift all believers, not just the "safe" female ones. In an effort to quell the rush of boy-girl, dating-mentality relationships, many Christians have moved in the opposite direction--to complete shunning.
We've all seen it, and it's pitiful. The girl who starts trembling and getting defensive the moment a young man speaks to her. Her answers are clipped and short, awkward and cold. The minute he leaves, (scared off, no doubt, by her cool reception of his entirely pure intentions) she sighs with relief.
It's so sad to see girls who are deluded by the whole boy-girl issue. When a girl blocks off relationships with any young men of any age, she is missing out on a vital part of Christian fellowship.
You see, having friends who are not girls gives you a whole new outlook on life. You are much more sensible when your female, chick-flick emotions are toned down by a practical, manly opinion of a relationship, a piece of news, a book, and many other things. Not all of your interactions have to be hard-headed, deep, theological conversations, but I'm telling you, guys think of things a girl would never happen upon in a million years of gushing girl-talks.
I love our home-church for several reasons, but one huge one is the relationships we young men and women have. I don't know how it happened exactly, but we've got one of the hugest pile of brothers and sisters in Christ who enjoy each other (without flirting, coupling off, and play-fighting) that I've seen. We have fun, we joke about things, we talk seriously about things, we discuss movies, history, music, books, current events, politics, social trends, scripture, many many things more as one huge family. I love all the guys in our church like brothers, and they love me like a sister. I think I can truly say that not a one of us has an ulterior motive in our relationships.
The way to relate to young men (and the way we should even relate to our girl-friends) is to approach the friendship on self-less terms. Don't act in ways that serve you. Act in ways that will serve, aid, and encourage them. Behave modestly, and be yourself, not some brainless Barbie-doll. You'll avoid all silly-girl actions in this way, and the guys will appreciate it. Believe me. :D
You see, it is not their being boys that make the relationships awkward. It's how we are viewing them. If every guy you meet is a Husbandus Prospectus, chances are you're going to be jumpy, nervous, and ridiculous around them. If you are viewing them as brothers and fellow fighters for Christ's kingdom, the awkwardness falls away and you are left with a precious camaraderie. :) I am not trying to say that the guys should be your closest friends, your confidantes, or your soul-mates. That's approaching more dangerous territory. And I'm not saying that you ought to be "friending" every random guy on Facebook. That's not really a true friendship. A friendship, in the correct term, is two people investing in each others lives, building each other up, etc. It's not "liking" each post Dillon writes, and trying to sound smart in conversations online. It's also not wise to be even as "close" to an un-saved guy as you are to your brothers in Christ.
I'm merely making a point that we have no right, we have no business to shelf them merely because they are not female. It's like...like backwards feminism! I believe that in Christ, young men and women can have beautiful, pure, effective relationships. It's really not that complicated when you think about it. :)

Lastly, I want to thank, by name, several young men I know for their friendship, their putting up with me, their honest opinions, their character, their good sense, and their encouragement. :)

First and foremost, for my brother, Daniel, for being my buddy all through our childhood, and even now. We are inseparable, and I fancy we always will be. Love you! <3

Next Important is my cousin, Matthew, for his Bingley-ish personality, for his congenial attitudes, his patience with my caprices, and his tolerance for my hare-brained inspiration.

Justin and Timothy Wright, for giving all of us lots of laughs, recommending movies like The Great Escape without telling me everyone dies, being great partners in Civil War dances, speaking easily on so many topics, and acting in general like great younger brothers.

BJ Taylor, for making me think, for your patience, cheerfulness, and that crazy four-wheeler ride where you, your sister Abigail, and I rode triple and you made sure you didn't dump me off my precarious perch on the back.

Daniel Tate, for your technologically savvy mind and technological donations to The Dinosaur Fund (my ongoing quest for a computer for my writing), your technological help with my blog-header, your political-labyrinth of a mind, your logic, and your sense of humor. 

These are the guys that come first to mind as friends I've spent the most time around, but there are many more young men that I will thank as a whole for their pleasant, innocent, brotherly camaraderie. Thank you! :)
It might seem like a bold stroke for the old regime of Don't Talk To Guys, but I approach these thanks out of the purest motives. I mean everything I have said, and I do my utmost best to practice thinking of young men as brothers in Christ. Girls, let's make sure that we take into account the kind of friends we are being to the guys in our life. Would they be able to list you in a post about girls who have shown them respect, purity, and innocence as sisters? Think about it. :) It'll change the whole way you look at the young men in your life. :)

"Let no one despise your youth,  but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, and in purity." (1 Timothy 4:12)

"Do not exhort an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity." (1 Timothy 4:17)