Thanks, Gents

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Dear Gentlemen,
      When you hear the word 'gentlemen', you probably shrink inside, thinking we expect you to be some huge Titan of gallantry or the archetype of good manners. Maybe we do appreciate that in a man, but today I just wanted to thank you. Some people think the race of gentlemen has died off. I can't agree entirely, because you are here. I wonder if you realize how much you effect me and many another girl just by being considerate, amiable, and genuine. Not all men are gentlemen, but when we women meet one, we know him for what he is immediately.
     Did you know we were that keen? Well, we are.
     I feel that good things cannot be commended enough, and fine men deserve as much recognition as the rakish fools who take up so much space in the news without having done anything worthy. So here's your little space of glory: here I want to tell you the things that you do right, and (coming from me), the things you do that make girls breathe again and think, 'There are real men in the world after all.' This is a letter for the gentlemen I know, and their kindred whom I have not had the blessing of meeting. These are the things you do (and are) that make me smile:

      I love when you laugh. I love when you make me laugh.

      I love your friendship--you don't know what a treasure it is, knowing young men who are actually interested in appreciating my soul, not what I can give them in exchange for a little attention.

      I love looking across a room when someone says something funny, and reading mutual hilarity in your eyes, and then laughing about it with you later.

      I love your sensibleness, and the way you guide conversations into useful courses that a girl might never have thought of, were we discussing the same topics.

      I love your useless bits of information that expand my intellect in ways I'd never looked for. (cannibal forks, anyone?)

      I love it when you open a door for me--I realize you know I could do it myself and I am thankful you do it anyway, just out of kindness. You're not being a Chauvinist, whatever people might say.

      I love it when you take time to talk to me and ask questions, like you really want to know what I think.

      I love it when you remember little things we discussed a long time ago and bring them back up when I least expect it.

      I love it when you have good handwriting.

      I love it when you offer to accompany me on errands I've been asked to run.

      I love it when you have massive pools of talent, but I have to find out from someone else (or personal observation) because you don't talk up your good points to impress me.

      I love when you've read the same books I have, or new ones that you make me read.

      I love when you disagree with me and make a good case for your side of a question.

      I love when you quote Shakespeare, or my favorite movies. (or Cabin Pressure. ;)

      I love when you admire plain women, because I know you're seeing the important side of them.
   
      I love it when you obviously have taken care with your appearance.
   
      I love it when you seem to have forgotten you are looking very sharp.

      I love it when you make little kids laugh, and laugh with them.

      I love it when you ask if you can dip me when we dance.

      I love it when you give a genuine compliment with no hint of flattery inside.

  These are only some of the things I see in you, my dear gentlemen. And perhaps the thing I am most blessed by is that moment that comes along periodically where you remind me of My Man--the man I probably have not met yet, but whom I can see will be one of you. So thanks, gentlemen. You really don't get enough notice from the world in general--I didn't want to stay silent when you're such a huge part of how I can remain a lady myself.

All of my best,
        Your sister,
                      Rachel Heffington
         
     

Boy Meets Girl...my thoughts.

I have been thinking recently on a topic that we conservative, Christian young women tend to shun. The topic of being friends with boys. My sister, Sarah, was recently given a copy of It's (Not That) Complicated by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin, and from what I've clandestinely peeped at, it's a hard-hitter on this topic. It's about time it was addressed! :D

First off let me make two points:

• I believe young ladies can be friends with young men.
• I believe its important to be friends with guys.

Now for the clarification points. When I say friends with boys, I do not mean that sickly, shallow:

"Oh yeah--Caleb and I are like best friends forever!!! <3 <3 <3"

 No chance! :D What I mean is friendship in its purest sense--two people who help each other onward and upward, who have kind, self-less intentions, who converse easily and pleasantly with one another, are interested in similar things, etc. I don't necessarily mean buddy-buddy with guys, but you can be friends with them. Relax.
Why do I say that? Because believe it or not, we actually have duties toward them as sisters in Christ. We are to encourage, edify, and uplift all believers, not just the "safe" female ones. In an effort to quell the rush of boy-girl, dating-mentality relationships, many Christians have moved in the opposite direction--to complete shunning.
We've all seen it, and it's pitiful. The girl who starts trembling and getting defensive the moment a young man speaks to her. Her answers are clipped and short, awkward and cold. The minute he leaves, (scared off, no doubt, by her cool reception of his entirely pure intentions) she sighs with relief.
It's so sad to see girls who are deluded by the whole boy-girl issue. When a girl blocks off relationships with any young men of any age, she is missing out on a vital part of Christian fellowship.
You see, having friends who are not girls gives you a whole new outlook on life. You are much more sensible when your female, chick-flick emotions are toned down by a practical, manly opinion of a relationship, a piece of news, a book, and many other things. Not all of your interactions have to be hard-headed, deep, theological conversations, but I'm telling you, guys think of things a girl would never happen upon in a million years of gushing girl-talks.
I love our home-church for several reasons, but one huge one is the relationships we young men and women have. I don't know how it happened exactly, but we've got one of the hugest pile of brothers and sisters in Christ who enjoy each other (without flirting, coupling off, and play-fighting) that I've seen. We have fun, we joke about things, we talk seriously about things, we discuss movies, history, music, books, current events, politics, social trends, scripture, many many things more as one huge family. I love all the guys in our church like brothers, and they love me like a sister. I think I can truly say that not a one of us has an ulterior motive in our relationships.
The way to relate to young men (and the way we should even relate to our girl-friends) is to approach the friendship on self-less terms. Don't act in ways that serve you. Act in ways that will serve, aid, and encourage them. Behave modestly, and be yourself, not some brainless Barbie-doll. You'll avoid all silly-girl actions in this way, and the guys will appreciate it. Believe me. :D
You see, it is not their being boys that make the relationships awkward. It's how we are viewing them. If every guy you meet is a Husbandus Prospectus, chances are you're going to be jumpy, nervous, and ridiculous around them. If you are viewing them as brothers and fellow fighters for Christ's kingdom, the awkwardness falls away and you are left with a precious camaraderie. :) I am not trying to say that the guys should be your closest friends, your confidantes, or your soul-mates. That's approaching more dangerous territory. And I'm not saying that you ought to be "friending" every random guy on Facebook. That's not really a true friendship. A friendship, in the correct term, is two people investing in each others lives, building each other up, etc. It's not "liking" each post Dillon writes, and trying to sound smart in conversations online. It's also not wise to be even as "close" to an un-saved guy as you are to your brothers in Christ.
I'm merely making a point that we have no right, we have no business to shelf them merely because they are not female. It's like...like backwards feminism! I believe that in Christ, young men and women can have beautiful, pure, effective relationships. It's really not that complicated when you think about it. :)

Lastly, I want to thank, by name, several young men I know for their friendship, their putting up with me, their honest opinions, their character, their good sense, and their encouragement. :)

First and foremost, for my brother, Daniel, for being my buddy all through our childhood, and even now. We are inseparable, and I fancy we always will be. Love you! <3

Next Important is my cousin, Matthew, for his Bingley-ish personality, for his congenial attitudes, his patience with my caprices, and his tolerance for my hare-brained inspiration.

Justin and Timothy Wright, for giving all of us lots of laughs, recommending movies like The Great Escape without telling me everyone dies, being great partners in Civil War dances, speaking easily on so many topics, and acting in general like great younger brothers.

BJ Taylor, for making me think, for your patience, cheerfulness, and that crazy four-wheeler ride where you, your sister Abigail, and I rode triple and you made sure you didn't dump me off my precarious perch on the back.

Daniel Tate, for your technologically savvy mind and technological donations to The Dinosaur Fund (my ongoing quest for a computer for my writing), your technological help with my blog-header, your political-labyrinth of a mind, your logic, and your sense of humor. 

These are the guys that come first to mind as friends I've spent the most time around, but there are many more young men that I will thank as a whole for their pleasant, innocent, brotherly camaraderie. Thank you! :)
It might seem like a bold stroke for the old regime of Don't Talk To Guys, but I approach these thanks out of the purest motives. I mean everything I have said, and I do my utmost best to practice thinking of young men as brothers in Christ. Girls, let's make sure that we take into account the kind of friends we are being to the guys in our life. Would they be able to list you in a post about girls who have shown them respect, purity, and innocence as sisters? Think about it. :) It'll change the whole way you look at the young men in your life. :)

"Let no one despise your youth,  but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, and in purity." (1 Timothy 4:12)

"Do not exhort an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity." (1 Timothy 4:17)