Thanks, Gents

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Dear Gentlemen,
      When you hear the word 'gentlemen', you probably shrink inside, thinking we expect you to be some huge Titan of gallantry or the archetype of good manners. Maybe we do appreciate that in a man, but today I just wanted to thank you. Some people think the race of gentlemen has died off. I can't agree entirely, because you are here. I wonder if you realize how much you effect me and many another girl just by being considerate, amiable, and genuine. Not all men are gentlemen, but when we women meet one, we know him for what he is immediately.
     Did you know we were that keen? Well, we are.
     I feel that good things cannot be commended enough, and fine men deserve as much recognition as the rakish fools who take up so much space in the news without having done anything worthy. So here's your little space of glory: here I want to tell you the things that you do right, and (coming from me), the things you do that make girls breathe again and think, 'There are real men in the world after all.' This is a letter for the gentlemen I know, and their kindred whom I have not had the blessing of meeting. These are the things you do (and are) that make me smile:

      I love when you laugh. I love when you make me laugh.

      I love your friendship--you don't know what a treasure it is, knowing young men who are actually interested in appreciating my soul, not what I can give them in exchange for a little attention.

      I love looking across a room when someone says something funny, and reading mutual hilarity in your eyes, and then laughing about it with you later.

      I love your sensibleness, and the way you guide conversations into useful courses that a girl might never have thought of, were we discussing the same topics.

      I love your useless bits of information that expand my intellect in ways I'd never looked for. (cannibal forks, anyone?)

      I love it when you open a door for me--I realize you know I could do it myself and I am thankful you do it anyway, just out of kindness. You're not being a Chauvinist, whatever people might say.

      I love it when you take time to talk to me and ask questions, like you really want to know what I think.

      I love it when you remember little things we discussed a long time ago and bring them back up when I least expect it.

      I love it when you have good handwriting.

      I love it when you offer to accompany me on errands I've been asked to run.

      I love it when you have massive pools of talent, but I have to find out from someone else (or personal observation) because you don't talk up your good points to impress me.

      I love when you've read the same books I have, or new ones that you make me read.

      I love when you disagree with me and make a good case for your side of a question.

      I love when you quote Shakespeare, or my favorite movies. (or Cabin Pressure. ;)

      I love when you admire plain women, because I know you're seeing the important side of them.
   
      I love it when you obviously have taken care with your appearance.
   
      I love it when you seem to have forgotten you are looking very sharp.

      I love it when you make little kids laugh, and laugh with them.

      I love it when you ask if you can dip me when we dance.

      I love it when you give a genuine compliment with no hint of flattery inside.

  These are only some of the things I see in you, my dear gentlemen. And perhaps the thing I am most blessed by is that moment that comes along periodically where you remind me of My Man--the man I probably have not met yet, but whom I can see will be one of you. So thanks, gentlemen. You really don't get enough notice from the world in general--I didn't want to stay silent when you're such a huge part of how I can remain a lady myself.

All of my best,
        Your sister,
                      Rachel Heffington
         
     

The Pursuit of Refinement

People used to think I was a girly-girl. Goodness. I thought I was a girly-girl. But I wasn't. (And I'm not.) We labored under the delusion that because I wasn't a tom-boy, I must be a girly-girl. But "everything pink" was not me and is not me. Sure, I like pink things and I like to look pretty and I love things that sparkle and glitter, but I'm not the typical girly-girl.

I don't like zebra stripes or tu-tus.

I don't wear high-heels when it's ridiculous to wear high-heels.

I don't get manicures and pedicures every weekend.

I didn't ever want a room that was entirely pink and frilly. (or at least, not in my memory)

There's nothing wrong with any of those things, but I'm just proving a point. I'm not a girly-girl. Got it? So what am I? Dear, dear. We've got a rather narrow mind, haven't we? Thinking girls can only be sloshed into one of two categories. I've discovered what to call the sophisticated, feminine strain in my personality. I call it:

The Pursuit of Refinement. 

"The Pursuit of Refinement" isn't prudish or wax-dollian or boring when exercised in its proper capacity. It simply means that my tastes are more refined, sophisticated, and cosmopolitan than they are flirty, giddy, and fluffy.

I admire multi-lingual people, and wish I knew French, German, or Italian.

I love polished wood and coffee shops.

I love travel, and talking about travel, and old suitcases.

I love big hats and tiny waists. (And I have neither. :P)

The idea of going to the theatre or an opera or a concert thrills me.

Red lipstick ought to come back into style.

Nights on the town (in the most innocent sense of that term) are my cup of tea.

I'd love to go to a horse-race someday.

I take fashion-inspiration from old actresses.

Bookstores hold my literary-heart in captivity.

"Effervescent" describes me to a "t": "vivacious, lively, sparkling"

City-life fascinates me.

Rich people fascinate me.

I read classics because I truly love them--not because I've been assigned a reading project.

I have a deep-seated desire to be "accomplished" in the manner of those good-old-days.

I love dressing up.

I prize cleverness and wit.

So I quote clever and witty people. ;)

Anyone who can play well on any instrument has my deep regard.

Intelligent conversation is a must.

I work at becoming a well-read person.

The Pursuit of Refinement inspires me to write, to draw, to sing, to dance, to visit historical houses and to be mindful of my posture. It lends magic to words like "masquerade," "ball," "tea," and "aristocrat." It gives me bourgeoisie satisfaction in truly clever things, and teaches me the difference between wit and wise-cracking. Of course my entire life is not about pursuing refinement, just as the girly-girl's life isn't all about painting her nails and the tomboy's life isn't all about paintball-ing. But it does lend a certain atmosphere to the ways I choose to cultivate my tastes, pleasures, and talents. :) So what sort of a girl are you? If you'd like, write your own blog post about it and leave a link in a comment. I'd love to read about your personality in this respect. <3