The Fragile Beauties

I am sorry I've been so silent of late, but if you saw my hypothetical calender which has included a good friend's wedding and 5 family birthdays in one month, the launching of my literary-themed online shop called The Warren, a re-inspiration for my writing, lots of reading, and the cranking-up of the family school-year, you'd realize there really has been very little time to devote to blogging. Along with this craziness has been lots of thinking, on my part. I don't know why, but I've been in a thoughtful frame of mind recently; such spasms strike me now and again and I think Plato himself would be rather proud of my philosophizing abilities now and then. ;)

From the thinking has sprung a little thing that I am Being Aware Of that I call The Fragile Beauties. I guess you could say that this Thing is like 1,000 Gifts, or even the book Sarah got for her birthday: Cold Tangerines. But The Fragile Beauties trend began for me when I would find certain pictures on Pinterest that had no place on any of the rest of my boards, but that I could not ignore. Pins that captured the little pieces of everyday life that I try to remember to notice. Or things that I've always wished I had a macro-lense to be able to photograph. Things like this:

 

 I haven't read Cold Tangerines , but I know that my Fragile Beauties are a bit less broad a list than 1,000 Gifts. Where the latter paints a broader picture to be grateful for, The Fragile Beauties are the strictly aesthetic blessings. I'm a visual, touchy, feeling, all-five-senses-roaring girl. So I love to notice the beautiful things here on earth that we've been given in abundance. The beauties that are gifts but oh so fragile because they won't last. (Perhaps we'll have even better ones in Heaven?)

Psalm 103:15 says:

"As for man, his days are like grass;

as the flower of the field, so he flourishes

for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,

and its place remembers it no more."

Fragility. Humanity. Earth-ness. It's all passing, and little of it will last, huh? But when I cared to think about the fragility a bit deeper, I saw a thing I usually pass over when reading those verses. Over in Mattew 6:28-29:

"...Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these."

So you see, man's existence on earth might be a little blinkity-thing, but it's still a thing, for a while at least, we flourish as those self-same lilies, and Jesus acknowledges the lilies are beautiful. We're also told that "Every good and perfect gift is from above", and that everything God does is to His glory. So I'm sitting here thinking:

"Gosh; The Fragile Beauties. One life to find them in. My Lover who delights to watch me notice: ...um...game on."

 I'm finding The Fragile Beauties, and I'm marking them mentally, posting them on Instagram (username: heirloomrosebud) with the hashtag: #thefragilebeauties, pinning them on Pinterest, and gathering in the beauty strewn about that so many people pass by. I'm pointing it out to other people, smiling over it myself, thanking God whenever I catch one of those fleeting, fading, lovely things, and enjoying every moment.

I hope you'll join me in this. 1,000 Gifts, Cold Tangerines, The Fragile Beauties; whatever you call them, let's go searching.

I Know This is Crazy But....

At the wonderful, amazing insert-exuberant-adjective-here Transfer conference, we had lots of prayer time. Specific prayer for specific groups of people. Most times I found myself mainly outside the specified group of prayer-receivers, but then Ian McConnell took it into his head to say that he was led to pray for a group of people in the room who were longing to be in a relationship with someone. Those who were single and finding it a little difficult to content themselves with Jesus and Jesus only (quick note: how on EARTH can we not be content with that? Argh.), or those who were in a relationship they knew wasn't what God had for them, and were needing to make a decision. He asked us to identify ourselves by raising our hands so that the people near us could maybe even put their hands on us as we prayed.

There I was, running through my head all the new relationships forming in my groupies (including one of my stable-single-friends. :D) all the things God has been teaching me over the last year, and all the new inspiration He's been fueling me with. "Even so, I totally fit that former category." I didn't want to raise my hand and admit to all the world (i.e. the roomful of 400 Christians) that I struggled often with waiting on the Lord and satisfying myself with His love for me. I didn't want to admit that I could actually stand before Jesus, my Lover, and say that some days I found it hard to be content with only Him. But I knew I needed the prayer, and even if I was the single solitary person who raised her hand, I would do it or perish in the attempt.

I closed my eyes and raised my hand.

I opened my eyes, and a grin cracked across my face.

30 or 40% of the other people in that room had their hands raised, each of us with head bent, not wanting to be The One in the room who was admitting to trials with contentment. So many! The guy who looked like he could have any girl at the conference if he just smiled at her. The slender, tan, gorgeous girl with the flowing blonde hair. Me. The guy in front of me. A guy behind me.

And I felt in that moment such a surge of confidence in the newest Adventura God is leading me into. I haven't mentioned it here because I didn't want to announce something I wasn't sure of. But all the lessons I've received over the last months and year, all the conversations with multiple people in my season of life, even the topics touched upon at the Transfer Conference--all these things point with a strong finger to this:

I'm writing a Singles' Book.

Yeah, yeah come on, Rachel, you might be thinking. But here's the thing: This isn't going to be just any singles' book. It's not a 100 Easy Ways to Catch A Man. It's not a Push Through This Season, It's Gonna Be Okay.  The vision God has given me for this book is so much larger and different than that. It's not another Before You Meet Prince Charming, or a So Much More, or a Joyfully at Home, or a Preparing to be a Helpmeet. Those books all have their place, and have taught me quite a lot.

My book will be specifically for those of us who have graduated high school and/or college and find ourselves on the outside of the Wedded-Bliss crowd. It's for those of us who are apparently at least temporarily unable to catch the Love Bug and are not interested in sitting on our rockers waiting for love to come by. It's for those of us who want to live to the very hilt every single moment--not only of "this season" but every season in life. It's for those of us who are dead-tired of going places and meeting people and spending ridiculous amounts of time wondering if there will be anyone there who might fit The Bill.

It's going to be hilarious. It's going to recognize the difficulty of being "entirely unmarried" while we watch our childhood playmates standing at the altar and exchanging vows. It's going to be wild and whimsical (after all, I'm writing it with the input and help of my "crazy single friend" Katie), but most of all it's going to be a clarion call to a purposeful life. It's going to be written by a girl who is in the very throes of what it is to be a single girl with a sole purpose that is entirely contrary to everything the world is throwing at her. I don't have all the answers, but God does, and He's teaching them to me little by little, and this is not so much a How To Do It as it is a plea from one single girl to another to not waste our precious time. We were each placed here with a specific purpose to fulfill, and I'm only interested in discussing how we can fulfill our purpose every moment of every day, husband or not, Amen.

I'm telling you this, not to get praise for myself (goodness knows it's not going to be a New York Times Bestseller!), but to ask for prayer. I need so much prayer. Prayer that I would write what God wants me to write. Prayer that my heart would be gentle and suppliant, and that He will just pour the worship of His glory through my pen onto the paper. Prayer for stamina because I'm sure where there's been a dozen lessons already, God will teach me a dozen more. *smile* I've been planning and digging at the topics, and reading and listening and just living life. And that's what this book about except a great bit fat letter from me to You?

I am hoping to dig tooth and claw into the writing of this book in August, shortly after celebrating my 21st birthday on the 20th of July. :) When it is finished, I am planning to self-publish, though God might have other plans. I just feel like this is a book I am meant to write, to write quickly, and to get out into the world ASAP. We'll see. Hahaha. :)

I hope the rest of you see the irony of me writing a book about my Pet Struggle. But I do feel God is calling me to it, and He does delight to work through our very weakness. Please pray for me, and pray for Katie, and please comment with any particular questions/concerns/issues you'd like to see addressed in The Book! :)

Much, much love,
             Rachel

Altar-Gleam

Let go.

Let go.

Trust Me.

It's what He's been saying, and what I've been trying to swallow, and great Scot, at least something's come out of it all:

"Altar-Gleam"

Oh, Lord, it rends my soul to give

this wish--desire--full away,

Not clinging to a piece of hope;

A piece that says, 'Perhaps someday...'

For now the thing--so frightening clear--

Is to release it dark and full

and keep no sliver-thought of me,

though giving leaves a gaping hole.

Desire--oh, how sharp the spears

of joy that haunt this favorite dream.

But am I Your's enough to push

this treasure toward Your altar's gleam?

The thund'ring toss of straining mind.

The clashing knowledge: this is right.

The heart's own cry: 'Oh, please, not yet!'

The beckon of Your fire bright.

No looking back, no holding on,

I watch my treasure dance in flame.

And then I feel inside my soul

the power of Your tender Name.

I've given what was dearest mine

but just before the wound bleeds free

You staunch the flow and catch my heart

and with Your Lover's arms hold me.

What looks as ash is only just

the dust from which Your plans arise

And though I feel the burning here

I see the mercy in Your eyes.

Burdened with Glorious Purpose

“Often a Christian man or woman falls prey to that cruel and vexatious spirit, wondering how to find marriage, who, when, where? It is on God that we should wait, as a waiter waits--not for but on the customer--alert, watchful, attentive, with no agenda of his own, ready to do whatever is wanted. 'My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.' (Ps. 62:5 KJV) In Him alone lie our security, our confidence, our trust. A spirit of restlessness and resistance can never wait, but one who believes he is loved with an everlasting love, and knows that underneath are the everlasting arms, will find strength and peace.” -Elisabeth Elliot

Looking back, the month of April was the best month of my life so far. So many new experiences! The two major ones that stick out are, of course, Romania and seeing Les Miserables live. But I am not only speaking of physical experiences.

You see, the month of April was a gift to me in direct answer to my prayers.

Sometime in March, I was pretty much at the end of my rope, feeling that all the patch-work responsibilities and endeavors of my stay-at-home life were useless. How on earth could God piece them together into something worthwhile? Was I wasting my time? Am I wasting my single years? Am I supposed to be a writer or is there something I am missing? So many questions--fears, really--crowded my mind. Finally, in desperation, I asked God for one thing:

"Lord Jesus, I don't care what it is I am doing." I prayed.  "I am willing to do and be anything. But please give me a sense of Your pleasure, a sense that I am exactly where you want me to be."

April came, and with it, the answer to my plea.

I lived in God's presence this month. I can't really describe it any other way. The two weeks in Romania effected me in so many ways, but one thing they gave me was a hunger for holiness. The constant putting of myself before God, and rejoicing in His nearness, and thinking on His goodness and His word. This was, at first, a response to being in church every day while we were there. Then it became a habit. Then a desire. Then when I came home, I found myself...well...to take Loki way out of context:

"Burdened with glorious purpose."

But truthfully. This month God awakened a fire within my heart, and my prayer since coming home has been that He would keep it cupped in His hands and breathe life into it, that it might blaze within me from now on. Because I don't want to lose this sense of living in His presence and His peace.

My circumstances haven't changed.

There have been trials this month as well as blessings. I have watched the Lord give form to some of my cherished dreams and strengthen my longing for them, and yet put out His hand and say, "Not yet, my darling one." And it would be desperately hard to wait except that His hand is gentle and heavy upon my shoulder, and I know that somehow He is sharing in my waiting. I have felt His pleasure alongside me as we look at a wheat-grown field, almost luminous in the half-light of dusk. I have cried and known that He is sharing my tears and my pain and I am not alone in this thing. He has given me the privilege of meeting beautiful, passionate fighters for His kingdom this month. I am so humbled by getting to know Pastor John and his story. His childlike, iron-clad faith... It seems too much that Jesus would allow me to spend two weeks in the company of magnificent men like him and his son and the others I met on that trip.

Jesus heard my desperate cry in March, and He held my hand and hoisted me to my feet, because He knew that April was coming. He knew that I would stand on the brink of Maytime and smile with a heart full to tears because of His goodness. He heard my cry. "In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul." -Psalm 138:3 

I suppose there is not a very large reason for this post, except as a testimony of praise to my Jesus of His great lovingkindness. My life is still shards of tiles waiting to be formed into a mosaic. My dreams are still only shadows, and I still don't have any idea of what I am doing. But oh, my heart is at peace. Because I have tasted of His presence and I have lived in the light of His smile and I can feel His pleasure and His guidance. I have thrown my lot in with the only One who knows what is going on in this mad, merry world, and I have made myself available. I'm not clinging to any ideas of what I'm doing. I've only asked that He use me. 

No idea where I'm going. No idea what's next or what isn't next. But the joy of this month was not built off a trip to Europe or to the Theatre. The joy of this month was built off of putting my hand in the Lord's and living with Him.

Maytime? I claim you as His. 

A deep and wildsome glory

"Into the peace of these wild things,

 Into the wild of this grace,

Into the grace of this blessing,

Speak in the peace of this place."

-Andrew Peterson "The Magic Hour"

There is some beauty too great for words.

Have you ever stood outside at the moment Day washes into Night, and felt the very air was filled with a thrum of praise?

Have you even been awakened by the scent of daffodils in the dark, or watched the laughter bubble over in a baby's smile, or seen the moon hanging low in the West and felt your heart might burst with the pain of Joy?

It is these moments I wish I could speak the language of the birds who flit over the sunset and pour a fountain of notes tumbling one over another down the fingers of the breeze.

But I am only human. My attempts to speak and write and pray are met with complete silence and a mind whisked clear of words.

I watch the sun gleam over the Spring's-blood green of the wheat field and the soul-ache deepens.

"Lord, Lord!" is all I can manage, and as I murmur the Name the pain cuts deeper and sweeter, sending shafts of holy light blinding my soul.

If I cannot tear myself away from the beauty and I cannot ease the joy-pain with words, I am awash and afloat in helpless, unbridled Joy.

It can terrify me, this soul-moment.

The pull of eternity is so near, so deep that my heart strains for it.

But human I am, mortal-life coaxes me back and the veil is half drawn again over the face of the wild peace.

"Lord..." I begin again, near to breaking under the weight of His glory.

"Satisfy your soul."

The gentle, tender commandment takes the desire of words from me.

Defenseless.

My words.

My weapons and tools.

The King has taken them away, gentle but firm and asked me for silence.

And my soul...

      My soul warms in the after-glow; expands, dances.....and is full.

Satisfied.

Nothing more I could ask.

Nothing less I could wish.

Eternity in the heart of Man.

What a deep and wildsome glory.

Love's like a hurricane

Last Sunday at church we were having worship time and started singing a song that--until quite recently--I hadn't adored as a do now. But the last several times I have sung it, I have found myself deeply touched by this love song. Literally, it is a love song. A ballad about My King's great love for me, and it gets me. I get it. Whatever the case, it's beautiful, and if you don't know it, you need to listen to it and remedy that right now.

.

He is jealous for me.

Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

And I realize just how beautiful You are

And how great Your affections are for me.

Chorus:

Oh, how He loves us 

Oh, Oh,

How He loves us,

How He loves us, Oh.

He is jealous for me.

Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

And I realize just how beautiful You are

And how great Your affections are for me.

Chorus again

And we are His portion and He is our prize,

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes.

If His love is an ocean, we're all sinking.

And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest

I don't have time to maintain these regrets 

When I think about the way

That He loves us,

Oh, how He loves us

Oh how He loves us,

Yeah, He loves us....

Happy Valentine's Day, Everybody!

Crashing the Pity Party

    Following a wonderful post by Miss Raquel, {yes, I was clever enough to link to the post} I was thinking about Love. What a capricious word "Love" is in our English language. By "love" we English mean anything from Nutella to babies to period dramas, to Sherlock, to Thor, to our guy and our God. We are quick to say the word--indeed, "Love" is probably one of the top words in English vocabulary simply because it has so many definitions.

    As single girls and women we long for the day we will be loved by a good man, and most of the time we are content with God's love for now. Yep. That's the problem. Those two little words tacked onto the end of the sentence. "For Now." Don't lie--you know as well as I do that those two words chase after your thoughts like hounds after a hare.
    I am as guilty as the next woman of viewing this single life as an in-between-time. I seem to view these years when I am unmarried as a "waiting period" as if: "Oh, the Lord's love is good enough for me now until He decides to bring my man along and then...then it'll be over and we'll all run along merry as the day is long."

     But therein lies the whole problem. I've been reading C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters and came across a very intriguing bit of correspondence between Screwtape and his nephew:

“You must therefore zealously guard in his mind the curious assumption 'My time is my own'. Let him have the feeling that he starts each day as the lawful possessor of twenty-four hours. Let him feel as a grievous tax that portion of this property which he has to make over to him employers, and as a generous donation that further portion which h allows to religious duties. But what he must never be permitted to doubt is that the total from which these deductions have been made was, in some mysterious sense, his own personal birthright.” 

     I had to feel convicted over that quote. I, like many others, seem to view my time as my own. I assume that my life as a single woman will come to an end someday, and in the meantime I look forward to that end with great expectation. What none of us take into account is that we don't know which part of the future we will have.

     What  if this "season" is one God has called us to for the rest of our lives? What if we aren't to be married or--and I am not being morbid, just philosophizing--what if we aren't to live as long as we expect? Do you really want to live life as a single woman with your eyes fixed on the horizon, never seeing all the gifts strewn around your feet?

     The thing is, Jesus isn't interested in convincing us to wait. What He wants is for us to fall so completely, unutterably, wholly in love with Him that we don't count moments and hours and days and weeks and months and years. He wants us to be consumed with a passionate love for Him that outer circumstances don't affect our willingness to be His. Yes, even marriage. Because for all the "Love" that we might share with a godly man someday, it won't last. The warm fuzzies will fade. You will discover he's a man after all, and even Mr. Knightley sometimes props his boots in the middle of the good china. Marriage is simply another step of life. A precious one, yes, but no more important in the eternal scheme of things than any other event you experience.

    Sometimes I think I'm guilty of using my love for Jesus {or His love for me} as an antidote. "I love Jesus--I really do. And I'm loving Him so much today that I don't feel anxious to be married at all!" Such a love can hardly be deemed a whole-hearted, selfless, tender affection and devotion to a person. It smacks singularly of selfishness. "I love you till" or "I love you because"--not a bit of that profound way Jesus loves us:

"I love you."

    No reason, no conditions, no expiration date. He loves us simply because that was His choice. And in return we learn to love Him. (1 John 4:19)

     So this is not another post on How To Wait. It's not even a post on Waiting Is Hard. {which sometimes runs closer to my frame of mind} I really want you to understand that. I've written and you've read plenty of posts about Theory. I'm asking for some Practice. Some determination to crash our pity-parties and get going with this beautiful life God has given us. How it must sadden Him and make Him shake His head to see us entirely missing the point of Life.
Life isn't an endurance test!
     It's a privilege. We can't just sit here tolerating singleness as if it was a dry, bony desert we couldn't wait to get to the end of. I'm not writing a Guide Book To The Piteous Desert.
     Instead what the purport of this post is, is a challenge to each of us to build a vibrant, sweet, lasting relationship with Jesus. A relationship that begins today and extends to death and beyond. A relationship that will still be the source of your joy, your contentment, and your peace when {and if} you are married, when the children come, when the children leave, when you're retired, and when you're eighty years old, toothless, and mental to boot. A relationship that is based on His ideas of love--not your idea of an antivenin. Because really...when all's said and done and Jesus is in the equation, who gives a wimpy hairpin if you've got a man?

Alone...or Not?

As Valentine's Day approaches it can be tempting for me to start despairing (even tongue-in-cheek) about my lot as a single young lady. It is tempting to start betiding woe to my sisters: "This is so depressing--there's not a single guy I could marry even if he'd want me!" After all, nearly the only eligible guys I know are my brother and cousin... :P
I don't know about you girls, but my bouts of wistfulness in the marriage area jump me. They never creep up. I will be entirely content and all gung-ho for living the rest of my life in a nunnery if that would be what it takes, and then the next moment I will be seized with an overwhelming ache for a Someone of my own. I've told you I'm a romantic sort....

I'm sort of/kind of/really guilty of standing outside on more than one occasion and singing "Goodnight my Someone" when no one is listening. Ahem.

So what on earth do I do with these random/sporadic/vivid bouts of love and longing? Well, I'm not sure what your particular situation is, but I've told you mine. I have been spared many of what I'm sure would have been opportunities to get my heart entangled by the sheer lack of men in my circles. However, this brings up a different struggle--I am deeply in love with a Nobody. Seriously. I pray for my husband a lot and I can truly say this has caused me to love him...which is dumb because I do not have the slightest idea who he could be.

So back to the question. What on earth can a girl do with these moments?

I've been in this stage for the past couple of days...I think it was triggered by my watching Little Dorrit. For those of you who have not seen it, the hero is Arthur Clennam, and he's a man after my own heart. Contrary to what you find in most heroes (even our beloved Mr. Darcy) Mr. Clennam is not handsome. He's not particularly charming or witty, even. But he's good. He is so good. Learn his story and your heart will be forever melted....I think what gets me is that his character is such that he is very real. I actually feel that there is hope that I will meet a man like him one day.
I had forgotten how much I love him and then it all came flooding back. Note to Self: Never watch Little Dorrit when your heart is anything but perfectly staid and sober. But back to the point of this post. I was washing dishes and I suddenly knew what I needed to do. I needed to take a walk and talk to the Lover of my Soul. I finished up my chores, zipped up my coat and headed outside, and once I was quite sure that no one was listening, I started to pray aloud.
I told Jesus everything--from my wistfulness to my wish that Mr. Clennam was real to my wonderings about where my Someone will come from. And He listened. I know He did. And as I talked with Him in as conversational a way as I talk to my friends, the wistfulness slipped away, the longing quieted, the pain dulled, and I knew that He loved me. What do I look for in a husband? Someone to whom I am important. Someone who looks for me first thing when he walks in the door. Someone to whom one of my smiles would brighten his whole day. Someone, in short, who is mad about me.
And as I told all this to Jesus, He smiled at me. "Don't you see that One is Me?" He asked. "I'm crazy about you. If you had been the only on the face of the entire earth I would have died for you. Just for you, Rachel. I didn't come to die for all mankind. I came to die for one Rachel Heffington."
And suddenly, in that one moment, everything was set right. I don't have a man of my own. I will spend Valentine's day receiving sticky, over-loaded, precious cards from my siblings. There are no Secret Admirers for me, and I won't be getting any boxes of chocolates with a sweet card...but none of those things really matter because I have learned again just how much my Lover cares for me.

Marriage...an idol?

Marriage is a beautiful thing, and one I have dreamed of since I was a tiny girl. Come to think of it, I believe nearly every dream I've had since my girlhood has been wrapped up in a man of my own, a family of my own, a house of my own...living in a large family encouraged such thinking, as my heroes, my examples, my life was made of such stuff.

But let's be candid, girls. Sometimes our dreams do not reflect the Lord's plan. As a "fortune cookie" my brother got the other day said, (Gracious me, we know not to depend on those!) "The only thing we can know for sure about future developments is that they will develop." (Truism, anyone? :P) And as a Christian, we have the assurance that those plans are made for our good. (Rom. 8:28) It is tempting to think we know more about our own hearts than Christ does. It is tempting to think we ought to "help" Christ orchestrate the plans because after all, we could never tread that path--He must be confused.
Girls, girls. We must learn to give our idols up. Even the idols unconsciously made. For me, for a long time, that has been marriage. Not that I have worshiped the idea, or even made overmuch of it. But I have feared and dreaded and balked against the idea of being what people have termed "An old maid."
I am reluctant to admit it to the world, but hitherto my thinking has been more along these lines:

"And if I am called to be single my entire life [God forbid!] then I'll do such-and-such." 

Living my entire life without marrying? Just sitting here for 80 years with no change in my daily habits? Sheesh! Not me, Lord. You must have another plan for me! I don't think I have the gift of Singleness.

 But lately my precious Savior has been showing me otherwise. He has not told me that I will never be married--for all I know I could be a wife within a year or two! But He has shown me that He is enough. I cannot live these days as a single young lady waiting for a husband. I could very well never be married--I don't know God's plan. So what good could it do me to sulk for ten years until I turn 30, resign myself to the idea of never being married, and finally get my act together?
No. If being a single woman all my life is what the Lord calls me to, I want every day from now to 30 and from 30 to 100 to be full and vibrant and joyful. I want to pursue things I am interested in, honing my skills and talents to be used for His glory. I want to be an inspiration to my sisters, I want to help my family and friends.

I want to go places and do things and live a full life.

If that includes marriage and my own family, praise the Lord! If not? I don't wish to be a dusty parlor-decoration...a proverbial bowl of potpourri dry-rotting in a corner while making sweet smiles and sighs over dried up, youthful dreams.
I have gained much encouragement from the biography of Amy Carmichael that Elisabeth Elliot wrote: A Chance to Die. (The best of both worlds, anyone? ;) Amy Carmichael is one of the most beloved women of all time, lived to a ripe old age, had a huge family in India, and yet never ever married. She was an amazing woman of Jesus--charming and vibrant, lively and merry....real.

I look at her example and I think, "Would I have the courage?" and then Jesus puts a gentle hand on my shoulder and whispers, "You don't need courage--all you need is Me."
And really, girls, that's the whole of it. We don't need courage. We need Christ. I am confident that the same Lord that keeps me today, that blesses me, prospers me, and holds me will be the same Lord that will keep me in whatever path He has prepared. That is all I need, and that is all that matters. We have Jesus, and "the fullness of Him who fills all in all," as Ephesians 1 says.

"All the paths of the Lord are loving and faithful" Psalm 25:10 I have pondered this verse lately, and have found that it feeds my spirit. All does not mean "all - except the paths I am walking in now," or "nearly all - except this especially difficult and painful path." All must mean all. So, your path with its unexplained sorrow or turmoil, and mine with its sharp flints and briers - and both our paths, with their unexplained perplexity, their sheer mystery - they are His paths, on which he will show himself loving and faithful. Nothing else; nothing less"

~Amy Carmichael

Just a bit of Love.

Do you ever get to that point in your personal Bible reading when there are just so many choices of where to read you get overwhelmed and end up reading a Psalm? :D Lately I have been doing that, but it was not entirely satisfying, so I did a sister-ish thing and asked Sarah to assign me a book to read.

 "Ummm....First John?" she answered, looking at me as if to be sure I was okay.

It was an off-the-cuff answer, but Sarah? I'm so glad you gave it to me! :D I hadn't read 1 John in awhile, but ever since I started reading I've been overwhelmed and delighted by the richness and tenderness of this book of God's word. Right from the start John gives the Gospel and tells us that he writes these things to us that our joy may be full.That, right there, is such a great reminder of what the Christian life must be. Full of joy and abundant in it.

Maybe it's because I'm a writer myself and I pay attention to little things like sentence structure, but I was also impressed by the very word choices John used. He piles words upon words in a way that leaves you feeling as if your arms were full to the brim with packages of God's love. There is no condemnation in the way John writes, only a desperate plea for us to recognize the love of Jesus for us. I love the first part of chapter 2:

"My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world."

Wham! The richness of the gift of grace is seen so clearly here, even by how we are addressed as "Little children." Not Dirty Little Sinners, not You People Out There, not Everyone in the World Who Needs a Savior, but as if Christ stooped down, gathered us in His strong, all-encompassing arms, and whispered, "Little Children, come to Me."

 Then in 1 John 2:22 he says, "Whoever denies the Son does not have the Father either; he who acknowledges the Son has the Father also."

This verse is worded so flawlessly. It states the case of things with clarity and conciseness, without pointing fingers. It is so beautifully black and white and loving. Deny the Son and you won't have the Father either. But acknowledge the Son and you have both of Them. :)
In the end of Chapter Two there is a whole paragraph that strikes deep chords with me:

"These things I have written to you concerning those who try to deceive you. But the anointing which you have received from Him abides in you, and you do not need that anyone teach you; but as the same anointing teaches you concerning all things, and is true, and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you will abide in Him." (1 John 2:26-27)

I will admit that I struggle with loving the Prunes & Prisms variety of Christians--those who value propriety above a personal relationship with Jesus. We have all met these poor, constricted people who put on so many garments of "convictions" that they can scarcely breathe, they are so pressed on from all sides.

 I want to caution us all to only put on the convictions God hands us, not ones that Men, fallible Men tell us to put on. There are times when God may use Men to convict us, but listen for the Shepherd's voice and listen only to Him. As he says, we do not need to be taught by Men, for the Holy Spirit and God's word will teach us all things, as it has already taught us.
Did we need people to tell us taking a cookie from the jar was wrong as a child? No, we knew it was wrong because the Holy Spirit was teaching us. Do we need people to tell us to do or not to do something? No. Ask Jesus about it and He will show you His stand on the point. He will answer, and after that don't mind what Men say--you've got the approval of the Most High Lord.
 Anyway, I think I've succeeded in taking you for a hopeless ramble again, but I just thought I'd share some of the things the Lord had been teaching me recently. I hope it encourages one of you!

Heaven-Kissed

Is this a time to be cloudy and sad,
When our mother Nature laughs around;
When even the deep blue heavens look glad,
And gladness breathes from the blossoming ground?

There are notes of joy from the hang-bird and wren,
And the gossip of swallows through all the sky;
The ground-squirrel gaily chirps by his den,
And the wilding bee hums merrily by.

The clouds are at play in the azure space
And their shadows at play on the bright-green vale,
And here they stretch to the frolic chase,
And there they roll on the easy gale.

There's a dance of leaves in that aspen bower,
There's a titter of winds in that beechen tree,
There's a smile on the fruit, and a smile on the flower,
And a laugh from the brook that runs to the sea.

And look at the broad-faced sun, how he smiles
On the dewy earth that smiles in his ray,

On the leaping waters and gay young isles;

Ay, look, and he'll smile thy gloom away.

                             ~ "The Gladness of Nature" by William Cullen Bryant

Sometimes I see beauty so massive, so breathtaking, so pure that my heart almost breaks. It often comes in the overwhelming glory of an evening sky. Our land might be flat as a pancake, but our porch faces squarely West and the skies are more than enough to make up for our single dimensions in the land. This is a picture of only one of the skies God gives me daily. I'm a single girl with a romantic heart--I take these as tender words and love-gifts from the Lover of my soul. With such a gift before me, how can I long for anything mortal? Look for these kisses from Heaven, and your soul will be filled to over-flowing with the goodness of our Lord.

"The Heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament showeth his handiwork. Day unto day utters speech and night unto night reveals knowledge. There is no language where their voice is not heard."

                         ~From Psalm 19